Caught Up
by Kuro49
Summary: RK. 2 years ago, Rabi left the Order, leaving behind Yuu and the name 'Rabi.' But now he returns, caught up in the webs of lies and truths, no one can tell, giving up seems to the easier way to seek for a happy ending for the two of them.
1. Remember, Reflect, and then Remorse

More RK for everyone! Although this one is angst… but its one of the longest thing I have written in a while. I don't own anything as always.

XXX

**Remember, Reflect and then Remorse**

XXX

Dear journal,

Lately my heart has been hurting, I don't know why though. I thought I finally gotten rid of my heart already, but I think it is still here. Remember, don't tell Gramps. I don't want to get hit again, like the last time I told him that I liked someone, it was only a joke. So anyways, back on to the topic of my heart hurting. It is just a gentle continuous thud throughout the day.

When I lie down in bed and stare up at the ceiling late at night that is when it hurts the most. Like when my eyes are closed and all my limps feel heavy from the whole days' work, my heart starts to wrench, as if someone was squeezing the life right out of it. I don't know how to describe it, it's like when you are missing someone so much but know that you will never get to see them again.

Crap, as I am writing this, my brain finally clicked.

I really thought I had forgotten about him. I really wished I could, but everything in my body is shouting his name.

Stupid journal, why did you made me remember him? Great, now I am blaming a journal of all things for my supposedly-gone heart.

He laid down his pen in frustration as he held his head in annoyance. The notebook lay sprawled on the wooden table. He rubbed at his eye and leaned back in the chair, carefully he balanced it so that the chair was only standing on two legs. He rocked dangerous back and forth; his head was in the clouds.

"What are you doing right now?" He asked no one in particular.

His words hang in the musty air of his room.

"Do you even miss me?"

His chair thumped against the wooden floors and his body was thrown forwards. He kept his balance and remained seated in the chair. He looked at his half finished journal entry and picked up his pen again. Placing the point at the sheet of paper, he thought of what else he could possibly write.

The point touched the paper, twice then three times as he gnawed at the end of the utensil. He gave a deep sigh, knowing full well he wouldn't be able to write anymore, at least not for now, he closed the journal and stood up.

Sniffing at the musty wet air he walked over to the window, careful not to step on the stray pieces of papers that lay on the floor. It has been raining, for the past two days. That's why Bookman and him didn't do anything except stayed in their respective motel rooms and finished their own business.

Reaching out he unclasped the simple lock that held the window together before the two framed panes of glass swung out and the freshly moist air rushed in. He looked out at the small town that they arrived in two weeks ago, its street lamps flickered in the dark. He could still see the light drizzle of rain in the distance; their yellow orange glowed from afar.

He leaned on the edge of his window and held out a hand, water droplets gathered at the palm before sliding effortlessly off of his skin. He looked up at the sky, it was pure darkness, it was the shade of dark that you couldn't see a finger even if it was right up against your face. He blinked and continued to stare; it was a never ending swirl of black.

He noticed that it was the exact same shade as his hair.

He groaned as he averted his gaze as quickly as that thought crossed his mind.

"Do you miss me?" He asks again.

But no one answered.

He stared outside, and the rain continued to fall despite the throb that rings out in his heart.

"_Yuu! Yuu! Yuu-chan! Don't ignore me!" A red head pouted as he caught up with the other._

"_Don't call me that." The other continued to walk faster, away from him._

"_Come on, Yuu, you don't hate me." The red head was now walking side by side with the other._

"_How do you know?" Kanda finally stopped and looked at the other with an annoyed frown on his face._

"_Because you haven't cut me with Mugen yet." The red head replied simply with another one of his grins in place._

_Kanda bit his lips avoiding the murderous rage that was slowly building up. His fist shook at his side; he finally gave up trying to prevent himself from hurting the other. His arm darted out and his fist connected with the other's stomach._

"_Go die Rabi." He swiftly turned around and walked off. His stomps sounded out angrily against the tiles of the hallway._

"_Thanks Yuu." He gasped out._

_Rabi winced in pain as he clutched at his stomach, he could already feel the bruise that was forming over his abdomen. He reminded himself to never ever tease Yuu about him being nice, the result was never great._

"_You are welcome." Kanda called back as he turned the corner of the hall._

The red head's dry laughter rang out lightly in the dead of night. "What pathetic memories to be reminded of." His quiet remark broke the silence that filled the night.

Why now?

Why was it now that his heart started to hurt?

"Why did you come back?" He cursed at himself.

"Yuu, I was depending on you to take my heart and shred it to pieces."

"How can it come back, still beating after all the pain I made you go through?"

His head was clouded with memories he was suppose to have forgotten already, he wasn't ready to be sent on another guilt trip. Not now, not when he finally thought he forgotten about the way his body felt against his.

But now it was too late, all those feelings, all those suppressing he gone through to keep his feelings to a minimum, he lost the key and the lock is broken, their bonds have snapped and his heart was announcing its return.

"_Guess what, Yuu." He had the other trapped against a corner of his room._

"_What?" The other dead-panned replied him, glare in his eyes._

"_I like Yuu." His body was pressed right up against the other's._

"_This is the third time this week you told me." The other rolled his eyes but didn't do anything. "And it's only Tuesday."_

"_I just wanted you to know." He shrugged indifferently, his grin unaffected on his face._

"_I know now, you can get off anytime." The Japanese blew a strand of stray hair away form his eyes only to have it fall right back to where it was._

_He leaned down and pressed his lips against the other as he brushed the strand behind his ear. The bruising force he has on the other's lips kept him from moving, his hands cupped the other's cheek and held him closer._

"_Hmm…" Kanda murmured into the red head's lips, he couldn't help as his eye lids slid close. _

_Rabi licked the other's lips in amusement as he saw the flushed cheeks and the irregular tempo of Yuu's breathing. The Japanese slowly parted his lips, lost in the pleasure the other was giving him. He sucked at his bottom lip, drawing blood to the surface, it now gleamed a rosy red that matched his cheeks._

_He pulled back and marveled at the work he has done and grinned in satisfaction. Oh how delicious his Yuu was now… _

"_Snap out of it Rabi." A stern voice interrupted his thoughts. He looked down; the usually rude Japanese was still trapped between his body and the wall. "Its uncomfortable, my back is hurting against the wall."_

"_Then let's bring it to a more comfortable place, eh Yuu?" He took a hold of the other's waist and dragged him away from the wall._

"What are you doing to me Yuu?"

"Is this revenge for what I did to you?"

He tilted his head to the side before realizing that goose bumps have appeared on his bare arm. He pulled back and closed the window in the process; he hadn't realized how cold the night was. He rubbed his hands together for warmth. Leaning against the window he surveyed the room, he just remembered that it had a very similar layout as the rooms back at the Black Order.

His room would always be covered with papers and Yuu would always complain how messy it was. Even thinking about it caused a thin smile to his lips. He never imagined that Yuu was someone who kept everything neat but then again his room didn't have many things, you could count all the things in the room with one hand.

And every time when he left for missions, Yuu would go into his room and clear it out. When he came back his floors would no longer be covered with papers, it would be bare and then it was his turn to go and complain to Yuu about how he couldn't find anything.

"You hate me." He placed a piece of paper to the side.

"You hate me not." He took another piece and laid it in another pile.

"You hate me." The pile grew as he continued.

"You hate me not…" He trailed off as he picked up a sheet of paper. On it was Yuu's hand writing and five simple words.

_Rabi, I hate you. －__Yuu_

"You hate me." And then he laid the piece of paper on to the pile.

He sat there on the ground, body shivering from the cold. His body trembled as crystal clear tears rolled down his cheek. He didn't notice until the droplets splashed on to the wooden floor boards, creating a darker stain.

He didn't get it, why was he crying for someone that hated him?

He couldn't even stop himself as the continuous flow of pain rushed out. He sobbed to himself and the rain continued to fall. The light pounding of each drop splashed on to the pane of glass. Each drop of tear that he shed caused him remember the pain, the look of hurt on Yuu's face.

"Why does my heart hurt so much?" He gasped out.

"_You are leaving, aren't you?" He came up to him and spoke gently. His long hair was mused, it was if he had just gotten out of bed, his hair was still down, and his bangs covered his eyes. The red head couldn't see what the other was feeling._

"_Yeah, I am." So he just answered the question._

_He gave a dry laugh that hurts him more than tears ever could._

"_I knew it." He finally looked up. His eyes weren't wet as most suspected, his eyes were dried but his icy blue orbs held nothing but a dangerous flow of hurt. His eyes were like shattered panes of glass that reflected nothing but the regret that the other felt._

_His voice hardened as he glared at the red head. "Then why did you say you will love me forever?"_

"_Because I will." The red head replied as he shrugs averting his gaze from the Japanese._

"_Your last day, and you are still lying to me?" He shook his head and turned around._

"_I am so naïve to believe you actually meant what you said." He never turned around again; he had no reasons to see the red head. But Rabi couldn't blame him; after all it was his fault that he was leaving the other forever._

"_Good bye Rabi."_

"_If that's even your name anymore."_

_He stood there in the hallway as his eye followed after the other till he disappeared around the bend. His arms shook by his sides, unintentional his fist shot out and he punched the wall in frustration._

_The bits of cement cracked and fell to the floor as he let loose of his fist. His arm now throbs with pain but it was nothing compared to the way his heart was bleeding._

_Good Bye Rabi._

Those three words haunted me, even as I stepped on to the boat in the underground water tunnel of the Black Order. I didn't see you anywhere but I couldn't expect you to see me off as if I was just going on another mission

_Good Bye Rabi._

The boat wobbled underneath our weight, the people of the Order waved lightly and we did too. I didn't remember any of their faces; none of them were the people that I spent days and nights with, fighting for our innocence.

_Good Bye Rabi._

Allen, Rinali, Miranda, Krory, none of them were there. Komui gave me a bitter look as if saying: how could you do this to us. I averted my gaze and looked down at my hands. I couldn't look at them now; no it was impossible to face them. Their looks of disgust, betrayal and hate. It was all too much.

_Good Bye Rabi._

Good bye to you too. I never got to say it to you; you left without hearing me out. But I knew I could never give you a good enough explanation. I just felt so guilty, I looked away from Gramps, I didn't want to look at him now. I was afraid at what I may do to him. Yes, he was my mentor but you were my everything that I thought I could forget.

_Good Bye Rabi._

Yes, this was good bye. We were never going to see one another again. That's just it. No more you and me together. That day I really thought I could forget you like all those pretty boys and girls that my aliases loved before you.

I never thought you were any different except for the fact that I truly have fallen for you.

000

_Dear journal,_

_I just can't seem to forget about Yuu. The truth is, I still miss him._

XXX Kuro

-Wipes tears- Oh crap, did I make it too angst-y? I am not sure whether I should put more chapters to this; I have a couple of ideas in mind, but I haven't started on any of them. Let's just see how you all thought of it. Review?


	2. See You

Wow… I feel so proud… 12 pages. –wipes tears- Aren't you proud? –sparkle eyes- Cuz I am! Yesh, this is the so call next chapter/sequel of this story. And to make some of you guys even happier I am planning (haven't started to write yet) another chapter! Aren't you proud?? –gleams-

Oh ya, I don't own!

XXX

**See You**

XXX

His loose hair whipped around the wind, strands of ebony blew around him. He could hear the intense rushing of the wind by his ear. His breathing was erratic from the practice he just had. He sheathed Mugen and stood there eyes closed in concentration, brows furrowed in frustration.

The wounds from the last mission were already healed, now his body only remains faint scars that will disappear with enough time. His arm was limp at his side, Mugen in between his loose grip.

The time continued to pass by, seconds turning into minutes and minutes turning into hours. He just stood there letting the wind blow around him, caressing his skin. There was a thin coat of sweat that covered his body. His heart continued to beat with an unorganized rhythm.

He finally opened his eyes, revealing orbs of crystal blue, looking down at his innocence he couldn't help but unsheathe it. The blade was a dull grey; his own reflection stared back at him.

Averting his gaze from his reflection on the blade, he ran two fingers along Mugen, a gleam of bright blue followed as his fingers trailed down the blade, his innocence became activated.

He loosened his hold on Mugen, with the dip of his wrist, the edge dug into his fingers. It easily pierced through the skin, blood instantly seeped to the surface; it ran down his fingers and on to his palm.

The crimson red was thick and smelled of rust, he breathed in the stench as he continued to marvel at the blood that was now running down the length of his arm.

The blood was the exact same shade as his hair.

As the thought passed through his head, he paused then took a deep breath with a frown now etched on to his face. His blood red hair, the image of his smile was still stuck in his mind. He couldn't get rid of into matter how hard he tried.

"Kanda." A male's voice called out to him. He opened his eyes, grateful for once that someone interrupted his thoughts. He quickly shoved his bloody hand into the pocket of his pants.

"What do you want, Moyashi?" He watched as the younger teen walked up to him, he could feel the wetness of his blood as it slowly soaked through his pants.

"Don't call me that." He scowled; it looked quite foreign on his usually smiling face. "Komui wanted to see you."

"Why?" He ignored his previous statement and asked.

"How should I know," he shrugged his shoulders, then noticed that there was blood on Kanda's katana. He didn't comment on it because it was none of his business. "I think it has something to do with a mission."

"No really…" The Japanese muttered under his breath.

"This is what I get for being nice, a sarcastic no really." He sent the other a glare. "I volunteered to come and get you because no one else would." He had his hands on his hips.

"No one ever asked you to volunteer." He coldly replied, bending down he picked up the thin dress shirt that was tossed to the ground earlier in the morning.

"You can stop being an asshole anytime." The usually polite teen retorted, Kanda was the only one who could make him feel so pissed.

"No one here is asking you to be nice to me, Moyashi." He had an uncaring look on his face as Allen's bit his lips angrily.

"The only one who can ever stand you and your temper is Rabi." Allen shook his head with annoyance laced in his features. He then clapped a hand to his mouth as soon as that last syllable left his lips.

Kanda froze; he stood there and looked at him. A few seconds and then he averted his gaze and looked away.

"Kan—" He was cut off by the other.

His voice was even colder than before. "You can tell Komui I will come later."

He then brushed past the younger teen and walked into the building. Allen stood there and lightly groaned at himself. How could he just bring up the red head that left…He groaned again before heading back inside.

"_Yuu!" The familiar voice called out, he couldn't help but roll his eyes at the clingy red head._

"_I missed you." He said in a sing song voice as the two of them were now walking side by side._

"_I missed your dead body." Kanda responded as he continued to walk, not even sparing a glance at the red head. _

"_How can you be so harsh to me." His voice emphasized on the word me as he stuck his face right up to Kanda's. The Japanese quickly backed away with a glare in his eyes._

"_Stupid usagi!" He placed a hand on the hilt of Mugen. "What was that?!" _

"_A lack of personal space?" Rabi laughed as he backed away._

"_Stay away from me!" Kanda shout before walking swiftly away._

"_That's what you always say." He grinned happily to himself, content with just looking at the other exorcist's back. _

_Kanda fumed as he stomped down the seemingly endless hallways. People parted for him as soon as they caught sight of his long black hair and the murderous aura around him. You just can't help but want to back up until you hit a wall._

_His ears still rings with his annoying voice shouting 'Yuu! Yuu!' even when he was in the solitude of his room, he can't forget the red head for some reason. The door was suddenly thrown opened, and the said red head walked in, obvious to the glare and the fact that he wasn't exactly welcomed at all._

_Maybe it was his forcefulness that caused Kanda to have never locked the door in the first place._

He shook his head of the past as he walked through the hallways again; it was familiar but foreign at the same time. Nothing seemed like it was before, before he left.

Him again. Thanks a lot, Moyashi. He glared at nothing in particular as his eyes caught sight of his bed room door. Walking up to it, he opens it with a turn of the knob. He never really bothers to lock it.

Because no one was stupid enough to go in.

Anyone but him that is.

He shut the door rather forcefully as he yanked at the bandages that was wrapped around his chest. Pulling them off, he dropped them on to the ground, it fell to a heap on the floor.

He quickly stepped in to the shower and turned it on. Immediately hot running streams of water shot down on to his body. It ran along his skin, droplets of burning water. It eases the muscles in his body that screamed to be relaxed. He lifted his hand to look at the wound he made, the water licked at the dried blood that crusted over the surface. The water ran off, a slight pink.

"I hate you." He cursed to himself, his voice overwhelmed by the sound of the water.

He bitterly shook his head. His hair was flat against his head as the continuous streams fell; he closed his eyes and leaned against one side of the cold tiled wall. The contact to his bare skin made him flinch, the instant change from hot to cold.

"Another mission from Komui?" He mused to himself, trying to think of anything but him.

"Why not?" Hasn't this been a routine to him since the day he left?

Wake up; grab a simple mission and leave. It felt better to be away from the Order, it was like imagining that he was still here, waiting for his return. But it was returning that hurts the most because every time, coming back with no red heads in the Order seemed like he left once more.

Dragging on the mission wasn't that helpful either, by himself in a foreign country; he will tend to find entertainment from his thoughts. And if he wasn't thinking about him, then what else could he think about? That certain someone? It was getting old.

Short and fast, yes it hurt. But it was better to not wallow in his thoughts for too long.

Exactly like what he was doing right now.

He shut off the shower and stepped out, dripping from head to toe. He quickly wiped himself dry with a towel, with water still dripping from his long hair he slipped on a thin shirt and pulled on plain black pants before stepping out of his room.

Descending down the stairs and turning several corners he reached the science department. Pushing past the doors he made his way through the messy room filled with desks of the workers in the department. His knuckles banged against the hard wood of Komui's door.

"Come in." It was muffled but audible.

Pushing the door open he stepped in, it closed right behind him. He stood there by the closed door as Komui looked up from his papers. "There you are Kanda."

The Japanese didn't say anything just continued to watch the other.

"Here is your mission." He pushed a folder forward; he walked up to get it. With the folder in his hands he quickly flipped through it. "This time it may be a little longer than the previous ones I gave you."

"It's going to be in—" Kanda cut him off before he said anything else. "The details are right here, I can read it myself."

"Alright then." Komui took off his glasses. "You can leave tomorrow morning."

"Can I leave tonight?" Kanda asked, folder still in hand. Komui raised an eyebrow at him, took a pause and replied. "If you insist, then I will set things up for you."

Kanda nodded then turned to leave.

"You are still missing him, aren't you?" Komui's voice interrupted his leaving.

"It doesn't concern you." He tossed the words coldly back at him before opening the door and slipping through.

Komui shook his head in frustration. "Rabi why did you leave such a mess for all of us to handle?"

As the Japanese left he brushed shoulders with Rinali whom was heading to her brother's office. "Hey, Kanda." She greeted him with a smile on her lips.

He nodded to her before continuing his way.

He twirled a long strand of black in between his fingers as he sat on his bed, he was packed already and was just flipping through the mission briefing. The jumbo of English was still a little foreign to him, no matter how long he spent his time in England, he was still Japanese.

"_Yuu." He laid on the other's bed as the other looked up._

"_What?" He was buttoning up his dress shirt, fumbling with the buttons while trying to read the mission's information at the same time._

"_Do you want me to read it to you?" Rabi grinned at him as he looked the other up and down, his lean yet muscular body that was only standing a few feet away from him with nothing but a dress shirt on._

"_Stop looking at me like that." Kanda rolled his eyes with annoyance as he finally buttoned up his shirt. "And no. I can read English with no problem."_

"_You have to admit sometimes that you need help." Rabi sat up and crawled to the end of the bed where he wrapped his arms around the other's waist._

"_I don't need your help." He emphasized on the your. _

"_Yes you do." Rabi's grin widened into a smirk. His fingers brushed over the buttons as he started to unbutton them from the base of the shirt, destroying the other's hard work._

"_Rabi, you asshole!" He frowned in annoyance as he slaps the other's hand away after the forth button was undone._

"_You are so easy." Kneeling on the bed, he was just the right height to place kisses along the other's neck. Kanda couldn't help but lean into the contact. His back was now pressed right up against the other's bare chest._

"_Still want me to read you your mission?" The red head whispered huskily into his ear, sending shivers spiraling down his spine._

"_Keep your hands off of me." Kanda shoved the folder into his chest before huffing with annoyance. He continued to dress as Rabi read out the report with his crisp and clear voice. Rabi ran his eye over the Japanese's figure as he slipped on the black pair of pants._

"_You should keep your hair down." Rabi remarked, partly mesmerized by the other._

"_Is that written on the report?" Kanda looked at him as he swiftly tied up his long hair._

"_No." He was lost at what the other was trying to get at._

"_Then shut your mouth." He smirked as Rabi's lips curled into a pout._

"_Your mission is so boring…" The red head complained once he finished reading the folder. The long haired exorcist only shrugged. Rabi got up from the bed as he pulled the bed sheets after him, covering his lower half._

"_I am going to miss Yuu." Rabi draped himself over the fully clothed exorcist. _

"_Whatever." He replied uncaringly. Rabi pushed himself closer to the other. He laid a hot kiss on the other's lips; they stumbled to the door together._

"_Bye." Kanda replied out of breath as he opened the door._

"_It's see you." Rabi winked as he leaned on the door frame, still draped in only a bed sheet._

Komui's door opened again, Rinali walked in with a hand on her hip. "Brother!"

"Hi Rinali." He greeted her cheerfully, snapping from his gaze.

"What did you do to Kanda? He is being extra withdrawn today." Rinali plopped down on a chair.

"Kanda? He is missing Rabi again." Rinali looked sadly at the cup of coffee as she handed it over to her brother. "I still don't get how Rabi could do such thing." She murmured.

"We all have our own reasons; if he wanted to he would always explain." Komui absentmindedly replied her as he took a sip of the coffee.

He pulled his exorcist jacket over his body, looking over his room one more time he walked towards the door. Placing a hand over the door knob he shook his head. "There is no more you."

Opening the door, he stepped out, carelessly closing it behind him. There was nothing that would linger him and so he left once again.

He descended with Mugen in one hand and a small suitcase in the other, his foot steps sounded out in the hollow stair case. He stepped on to the landing; it was the underwater tunnel that most of them used to go for missions. Komui stood there and as he passed by gave him a gentle pat on his shoulder.

"Come back safely." Rinali was there too. He looked at her and merely grunted.

"Don't risk your life; we both know that it hasn't been doing so well." Komui warned with a stern look behind his glasses.

"Whatever, it doesn't matter." Kanda coldly brushed the concern for his life aside as he stepped on to the boat. A finder was already standing in it.

"Bye…" Rinali gave him a sad smile as she waved to him gently.

Komui smiled down at his sister, he can't understand how such a small girl can have so many feelings for everyone. "Don't worry about it, Rinali."

The girl looked up at him with a puzzled face.

"History repeats itself."

"And that is a fact."

_Komui looked over the teen that just walked into his office, he was still dressed in a simple sweater, his hair was mused as if he just gotten out of bed. Late last night Kanda came back from a mission, he wasn't hurt too much, just numerous minor injuries._

"_Here is the mission report." He held a folder in his hand._

"_He is leaving." Komui blurted out before he can stop himself._

"_Who?" Kanda raised an eyebrow at him. He was still tired; he didn't want any bullshit from the Science department head._

"_Rabi." _

"_Huh?" Komui just said Rabi? He looked at him; his glasses glinted in the lighting of the room. But otherwise his face was dead serious. "This better not be a joke."_

_Komui's face remained the same; it was as if he was mourning for the death of a fellow exorcist._

"_Leaving where?" Kanda asked, he really wasn't sure whether he wanted to know._

_He shrugged instead of answering. Then he added. "Today is his last day."_

_The Japanese threw the report on to Komui's desk and left, his face emotionless._

_He raced down the hallways, his steps in the same tempo as his heart. They were both racing to the finishing point, but neither of them wanted to win. He then paused, at the end of a hallway, the red head stood. He slowly walked up to him._

"_You are leaving, aren't you?" He didn't realize his voice would come out so soft._

_He looked at me for a moment before speaking. "Yeah, I am."_

_He didn't know why but he just laughed dryly. It was all coming to an end, wasn't it?_

"_I knew it." He said, and he really did know it. From the very first kiss they shared to the moment Komui announced his departure. He knew it would all come true, he just didn't know it would be so soon. _

_Maybe he was the only one in this relationship that wanted it to last. Rabi may have never really cared about anything. He may have even been looking forward to this day to come. His eyes were cold, void of feelings because when Rabi replied, he already knew his feelings had to die._

_He couldn't help it when he asked, his voice hardened. He could feel the lump at his throat and the burning sensation at his eyes. "The why did you say you will love me forever?"_

_He really didn't expect an answer._

"_Because I will." He averted his gaze from the other._

_It didn't help one bit in killing off his feelings._

"_Your last day and you are still lying to me?" He shook his head in disbelieve. He really wanted to believe that it wasn't just a lie, but how could he?_

"_I am so naïve to believe you actually meant what you said." He turned around. He wanted each word to sting the other; he wants to emotionally hurt the other. Because he knew hurting him physically wouldn't compare to the pain that he was feeling right now._

_How could anything hurt him when he never had a heart to begin with?_

"_Good bye Rabi." _

_He can't take back what he said, and then he added._

"_If that's your name anymore."_

_He never turned back; he didn't dare as the he closed his eyes tightly. A drop of tear fell from his eyes. If Rabi ever sees him in this state, he would be able to read him like a book. His eyes weren't just emotionless to Rabi; the red head could see everything. _

_Good bye Rabi._

How could I say something like that, it was so final. It was as if I had drawn the curtains close on him, preventing him from venturing any further. But I knew exactly why I said it even as those words left my lips. Because I knew I couldn't say 'see you' like he had taught me to. I knew for a fact that we will never meet again.

From everything that he has taught me, there was one thing that I remembered the most and that was, facts never lie. Maybe this time it was just one of those facts that will never change even with time.

_Good bye Rabi._

The words sounded out in my mind, it repeated again and again. As I walked down the halls I trailed a finger along the wall. Looking up I couldn't be more surprise to find myself right in front of the pair of great oak doors of the Order's library. Placing a hand on the doorknob; it was cold to the touch. My hand lingered there for a moment before I actually turned and pushed the door open.

The smell of him rushed out at me. It made me sick with loneliness.

_Good bye Rabi._

Everything that I was doing was just a final farewell to him. Looking over the similar place, books were still left strayed. But this time there was no one who would come and put it all away. There were boxes of papers by the door; I noticed that it was their logs. They bring along the history and now they were going to take it all away.

_Good bye Rabi._

In the end I couldn't help myself; I just had to leave him a message. Reading it over once more I dropped it into one of the boxes that they were leaving with. My gaze followed it as it flutters into the cardboard box; it blended right in with the other sheets of papers. And then I left the unfamiliar library for once with all my nerves burning with anger.

I was sure that he would come back soon to pack up all his notes.

_Good bye Rabi._

I wish it would hurt him as much as it hurts me. I didn't know what to feel for you anymore, it just couldn't be love, at least not now. I wish I can forget you as easily as you given up your heart. I knew for a fact that I can never really forget about you, you were always there. But now you weren't.

I want you to feel guilty; I want you to be ashamed; I want you to feel all the hate I have for you. But you couldn't, can you? Please tell me you still have a heart but I can't really be surprise when you say you don't.

There was no more seeing you and so this was good bye.

XXX Kuro

Wah… I know this one was depressing too… OTZ But you can probably guess what will happen next right? ;) Review?


	3. And So History Repeats Itself

Yay, another chapter! I think I will conclude this short story in about one or two more chapters, it won't be too long. So let's continue shall we? And be proud! This one is not angst!! (At least not as much as the last two chapters… XP) I don't own DGM.

XXX

**And So History Repeats Itself**

XXX

Komui sat at his desk twirling a pen in between two fingers. His eyes followed the swirling pen, mesmerized by the motion. Around and around it spun, signing deeply he dropped the pen, it clattered to his desk and on to the files laid sprawled oover the surface.

The current folder was identical to the one he handed Kanda three days ago. It was opened and the pages spilled from it, the words were jumbled together in a blur of black and white as he yawned with boredom. This mission was going to take him approximately 2 weeks to finish, it was just the traveling that took the longest time. Besides that he was pretty sure that Kanda will have no difficulty with finishing this mission.

By himself, all alone with his thoughts.

Komui pitied him because no matter how cold hearted Kanda seemed, he was still human. He still had feelings and a heart. And no matter what his mouth said, his heart was yearning for a certain Bookman Junior.

It was like ripping the wings from a bird and opening its cage doors. There was no hope for this bird except to give it back its wings, not even the taste of freedom could overwhelm the importance of its feathers on its back. Komui's thoughts drifted a little too poetic, he shook his head and merely blamed it on the romance novel Rinali had given him.

The phone rang once, then twice, and then three times before Komui finally decided to pick it up. Reaching over he lazily brought the receiver to his ear before yawning a hello into the phone.

"Hello to you too, Science Department Head Komui Li."

The foreign voice rang out in his ear; he blinked once than twice before gasping out the person's name with surprise. His voice a little louder than he intended.

"**Bookman!?"**

"I would prefer it if you didn't shout." The calm voice replied.

"Oh… sorry. But… why…" Komui just didn't seem to be able to speak properly as he stuttered through his sentence. It seems that this sudden phone call was a little over the top for him on such a common day.

"Why exactly am I calling, you mean?" The old man completed his sentence for him.

"Yes." Komui's mind was whirling with a hurricane of thoughts although he kept his voice intact.

"I will just get straight to the point then." He started. "I have gotten some information that the Earl seemed to be stirring some trouble here and there, is that correct?"

He took a deep breath and nodded as he informed the other of their situation. "Yes, that seems to be the case. Missions here at the Order have gotten a little more than busy. After two years of nothing, I think the Earl's plot is going to start again soon enough. Akumas have been appearing a lot more frequent now."

"Then I think it is time for us to return."

Komui blinked at the wall as he heard that, he really didn't expect that piece of information. "You are returning back to the Order?"

"Is that a problem?" A hint of amusement could be detected if listened attentively.

"No, it's not a problem… at all. But I was just wondering." Komui paused, not exactly sure how he should phrase this.

"Are you wondering why we left two years ago and finally decide to come back?" Bookman interrupted.

"Yes, that is quite what I had in mind." He replied drumming a finger on his desk, Kanda's mission was still spread over the surface.

"When the Earl first stopped all his activities we had thought that it would take him a while before he started anything else. Besides my apprentice was still inexperienced with the many other types of records, so I decided that it would best to withdraw him from this log until it starts once again. And right now it is precisely the time." The old man explained, Komui hanging on every last words.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?"

"Because I didn't want you or anyone else to have the thought that we would ever return." Bookman explained his actions two years ago. "It was the best decision for all of us."

This was directed at two people.

"When will you be returning?" Komui wondered, jotting down short notes in preparation for their return.

"In three days." The short and quick answer almost caught him off guard.

"… alright then." Komui heard a farewell and the phone clicked into place.

000

A knock sounded at the door, he looked up from the middle of reading. He sat up in bed and slipped on a thin jacket before shuffling to the door. He opened it to reveal his mentor.

"Panda?" He rubbed at his eye; his vision was still a little fuzzy from his concentration on the book.

He received a kick, he smashed against the wall and Bookman stepped in, closing the door behind him. He groaned as he rubbed at the newly produced bruise. "Thanks a whole bunch."

He didn't say anything instead he just sat down on the other's bed, placing his hands into his lap. The red head leaned on the wall and stared at his master. It wasn't very usual that the Bookman was come and find him.

There was a moment of silence. But it was quickly interrupted by a roll of the redhead's eye. "Are you going to tell me something or not?"

"So impatient." Bookman looked up at him; his legs didn't touch the floor. "You need to learn what patience is, my boy."

"Patience my ass, it's 2 in the morning, please get on with it." He flipped a strand of red and rested his head against the wall.

"We are returning to the Order."

He opened his eye, blinked once then twice before shouting out. "Ehh?!"

"Its 2 in the morning, noises isn't appreciated." Bookman looked smug. The red head gave him a glare as a look that said 'your comments aren't appreciated right now.'

"So what you are trying to tell me is that we are going back to the Order after 2 years of absence?" Junior looked at him still a little confused. He never even knew that any Bookman let alone apprentice were allowed back to the same place.

"Yes." Bookman simply answered.

"Why?" He regarded the other with a clouded gaze.

"The Earl has started once again." And then he gestured to the papers all over the room, "and our logs is no where being complete."

He hopped off the bed, knowing it will take some time for his apprentice to take hold of the situation. It really didn't come as a big surprise to him that the red head would have such a hard time with swallowing all this. "So clean up, we are leaving tomorrow afternoon."

"Then who am I suppose to be?" The red head asked quietly.

"Rabi of course, don't tell me you forgotten about him already." Bookman remarked as if it was obvious. This was the first time that he ever allowed his apprentice to slip under the same alias.

"No…" He shook his head; a sad smile now graced his face. "How can I ever forget about Rabi this name?"

Bookman placed a hand on to the doorknob, but before leaving he decided to tell his apprentice one more thing. "I am sure you know that there comes a final test of becoming a Bookman."

"Yeah." The red head nodded knowingly, there was a final test but he didn't know what it was about.

"This was it."

"… What do you mean?" The red head, now called Rabi asked, the gears in his head snapped into place, he has a vague idea of what was to come.

"All Bookman apprentice has to go through a final test," He started, leaning on the back of the door. "Their masters must choose the appropriate time when the junior has unconsciously stepped too far into their character, and when that happens, the Bookman has to instantly withdraw their apprentice and leave."

He paused, Rabi didn't say anything, he didn't need to because all those puzzle pieces was finally fitting into his mind.

"As the current Bookman, I have to watch how you decide to cope with your emotions," he opened the door and he stepped out of Rabi's room. "Overcoming your feelings was the final test."

"And you passed."

The door was closed with a soft thud.

Rabi stood there frozen in his step; his mind was just slowly absorbing the last sentence that Bookman said. He looked at the closed door a while longer, and suddenly he just started to laugh. His laughter was such a clear melody in the night; he shook his head as he collapsed to his bed.

Breathing in the scent of the pillow, his lips were still curled into a wide grin.

"I passed…" He gasped out in disbelief, although he knew that this was only the very beginning of becoming a Bookman. It didn't matter anymore, he gotten through the hardest part.

He suppressed his feelings enough to be able to feel it and at the same time he was still able to withstand a new life with a new name even though he could feel the pain of losing the one that really mattered all the way.

He lay there, staring up at the ceiling. His thoughts wandered, now that he passed, it was only a matter of practice that he has to endure before he was the actual Bookman.

"_Bookman." Walking into the library he gently called out his master's name. The little man looked up from his work and placed his pen down; he has been expecting this since two days ago when he first told his apprentice about their leaving. _

"_I can't leave now." His eye was to the ground; he couldn't even dare look at his mentor's eyes. He wouldn't be able to stand the shame that would most likely be cast upon him._

"_Why is that?" Bookman looked at the Junior._

"_Rabi is in love." The Bookman knew, he knew it all along. He was the Bookman after all; you couldn't expect any less from him._

"_With whom may I ask?" He knew the answer to this too, but this was all just part of the routine._

"_Yuu. Kanda Yuu." He replied, there was no point in hiding, his tone was bitter._

"_The young Japanese." Bookman nodded._

"_I know Rabi is not supposed to have feelings, but he can't help it." He shook his head with frustration flying towards himself. "Without me even knowing Rabi have fallen for him hard."_

"_It isn't Rabi who fell in love, it's you."_

_Bookman looked at him evenly; confusion was written in the red head's eye as clear as a pen on paper. "You don't know what love is, you are still young."_

"_But I know I can't leave now." His tone now brimmed with desperation. _

"_Bookmen shouldn't have feelings," The old man started._

"_I heard it 100 times; I know it by heart, I—" He was cut off by his teacher._

"_But we do." The red head paused and listened once more. "Bookmen have feelings no matter what we say, that is something we can't help but feel, because at the end of the day we are still human."_

"_Then why are you making me leave?" The red head was curious by that speech. _

"_Because you have to learn of all the unwritten histories before you can stay." Bookman picked up his pen; they both knew that their conversation has come to an end._

"History repeats itself." Komui pushed his glasses a little higher on the bridge of his nose.

He stood up from his desk, papers fluttered to the ground. Pushing open the doors of his office he called out to the Science department. "Riba, 65, Johnny! Come on, we have a little preparation for the return of two fellow friends."

"Brother!" Rinali stood there with a cup of coffee in her hand. "You cannot be serious!?"

"I am." His smile curled into a wide grin. The coffee cup slipped from her hand and Yoshi's face shattered into pieces.

Komui couldn't do anything even as his favorite cup lay broken on the ground; it was the exact same feeling as he watched the dual stepped on to the boat. He knew of the consequences but he was in no position to help it. It wasn't his business, but now was his time to help out. Whatever he can do he is willing to complete. For the sake of his friends and this family that came together under the most dreadful of circumstances.

He will pull them all through, no matter what it takes.

_We are always going to fall in love._

_And we are always going to break our hearts._

_It had been 4 months since he left the Order, he dropped the name 'Rabi,' it was no longer his. 'Rabi' was dead the moment he stepped on to the boat. Maybe he died even before that, maybe it was when Yuu said those three words._

_Good bye Rabi._

_Maybe then was the time that Rabi completely died._

_He didn't know, he couldn't care about it. Because that was 'Rabi' and he?_

_Who was he?_

_He didn't know._

_He didn't remember and he no longer cared._

_Days past but the routines never change. Battle after battles, they were all the same. Maybe on the surface they were all different battles but underneath those layers of guns and blood, it was all the same. Hate was the answer._

_Stepping into another name, he was another person with a new life. You may ask how he doesn't get confused by all those different identities. They weren't his identities, they were just different people's lives and he was just slipping it on. He wasn't really them._

_He can never be lost because he never had an identity for him to call his own in the beginning. _

_All those reasons, but never once did he really understand how he could have fallen for Yuu, so hard. _

'_Rabi' was just a façade, he was just a lie that he made up. How come he won't just die and never come back? The red head never understood and that's why he was so frustrated, how could a mask fall in love?_

_How can a mask feel and love like an actual human being?_

_It shouldn't work this way, it couldn't. But yet it did._

_He then realized that since the day he met Yuu, his façade has slowly melted until 'Rabi' and him was one._

_Now it wasn't just that Rabi has fallen in love, it was him, his whole self. He, Rabi or not, he was in love with Yuu. It didn't matter whether he was Rabi or not anymore, everything about him was in love with Yuu. No matter how many names he switched, he would still love Yuu, there was no question about it._

_He was Rabi._

_And Rabi was him._

_Rabi loved Yuu._

_And so therefore he loved Yuu too._

_Many sleepless nights later, there was only one possible reason to this occurrence. He really didn't expect that the answer could be so simple but yet it was._

_It all came down to the fact that he was human._

_A human with a heart and soul too._

_And we all know for a fact that facts can't lie._

He remembered everything really clearly; he left two years ago, hurt Yuu in the process and simply just got up and left. But now it was two years later, the red head was at a loss of what he could do again.

He hurt the other too much to just step back into his life with another one of Rabi's grins. He would just hurt the two of them once more, this time maybe the wound would be even deeper.

He sat up on the bed and looked around, the papers were a mess from before and he knew he only had till the afternoon to get it all cleaned up. Reluctantly he got out of the bed and started to put away the papers into the appropriate boxes.

One by one the sheets were packed tightly into boxes that were going to be sent to the Order. He leaned over to pick another one up, staring down at the paper, it was Yuu's note.

He felt as if he was thrown into the ocean with a rock tied to him. His breathing hitched as his eye ran over the words, tracing over the curves and the line of Yuu's hand writing.

A bitter smile tug at his lips, it stretched out but he really couldn't give this note one of his Rabi grins anymore. He knew that Yuu rarely lie, but right now he truly did wish that the other was lying as he scribbled him this note. The spur of the moment? He didn't care what you wanted to call it, he just want it to be a lie, or anything but the truth.

He just wanted to know that Yuu was lying as he spelled_ I hate you_.

His hand traced over the printing once more before he gripped each side of the note and with little force the note ripped in half. He felt that his soul has lifted just a little bit, even though it may be the truth, he wouldn't believe it until Yuu muttered those three words from his own mouth.

A note was just a piece of paper, he had enough of them, he doesn't want anymore. The thousands of logs he completed was for him to write only, he didn't need Yuu to hand him another one.

"I miss Yuu, so much." He crumbled the note in his fists. The note didn't matter until it was actually a fact stated by Yuu only.

000

"Don't step in too deep again." Bookman warned as the two of them stood on the platform of the train station, they just arrived in musty London; the air was still a little heavy with the smell of rain.

"Its too late, Rabi had been drowning since the day he left." He shook his head and shrugged as he followed after the small man.

Bookman just gave him an even look, "then it's a shame, Rabi can't die yet."

"Then what about his feelings?" The red head's longer legs easily caught up with his mentor.

"Rabi's feelings are to be kept to himself, and for me to never find out." Bookman fasten his pace towards the exit. And the red head, no it was Rabi now, stood there grinning to himself as he looked up at the sky. It was a light gray, although the sun was probably not going to be out but he felt great, better than he has been for the last two years.

"We don't have all day, you stupid." Bookman called back.

"Coming Panda." He received a kick for the name, it definitely hurt, but at least the weather was no longer raining. The musty London air cleared slightly, and he knew it was going to be a good day.

XXX Kuro

How do you like that? Rabi's return, will Yuu take him back? But also remember, Yuu hasn't return from his mission yet. I hope this chapter explained more on why Rabi was forced to leave and everything. And Bookman is a sweet guy afterall, ;D. Review?


	4. A Brand New Day

Here is the forth chapter! Rabi and Kanda finally get to meet!! :D This one isn't really depressing, rather it holds more confusion and uncertainty. I don't own as always.

XXX

**A Brand New Day**

XXX

The moment I stepped off the train I knew something was different already. The whole atmosphere just felt strange, I couldn't place my finger on it but I was pretty sure that everything has changed during my absence.

My frown deepened, I hated it when something changed without me knowing it.

My mission took longer than I expected, originally it was only suppose to be two weeks but the mission turned out to be a lot more difficult than I expected. The number of the Akumas was doubled than it was said on the report. And on the return trip, the weather gotten stormy, delaying the train that was supposed to have came two days ago.

Now it was three weeks after I left the Order for my mission. I wasn't sure whether I should have just stayed on that train and let it pass London, this place doesn't feel the least bit welcoming. I didn't like the feel that this place was currently giving me.

My foot steps padded across the deserted streets, it was already well after midnight. A light buzz emitted from my pocket, reaching deep inside I pulled out my golem. It kept on buzzing and its wings flapped a little but other wise it remained motionless. It was during the mission that I accidentally slashed it, now it wasn't quite working.

Running a finger over the dent where Mugen came in contact with it. It really was amazing how it didn't just break in half with wires hanging out from it. I sighed lightly and slipped it back into my pocket, ignoring the light buzzing that continued to sound from the golem.

000

"I haven't been able to get through to Kanda." Komui rubbed his temple annoyed. "He must have broken it…"

"It's alright brother," Rinali swung her legs as she sat perched up on his desk. "I am sure he is coming back right now, don't you remember, the weather was horrible for the last week or so."

"You guys are the worst!" A voice pouted. "I still haven't been able to see Yuu yet!"

"Nice to see that you are awake, Rabi." Allen greeted him as he walked through Komui's office doors.

"Morning to you too Allen." The red head gave him a big grin as he plopped on to a chair.

"You know Rabi; he will be really surprised when he sees you." Komui rested his chin on his desk as he brood over the probably broken golem. His glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose. "We haven't been able to tell him."

"Yeah, I know." He casually replied.

"He may even lash out at you." Rinali added, she brushed a strand of black from her shoulder, it has grown out again but it could never be as long as it used to be. She only received a nod from the red head. "Did you ever think about it?"

"I thought about him every day of the last two years." Rabi's gaze flickered, his emotions wavered but as usual no one noticed.

"I just never knew I would be able to see him again." He added in a quieter voice.

"What are you going to say to him?" Allen asked leaning against the wall, his smile was still on his face although it has gotten grimmer by the years but no one else could really tell. He was still the sweet angel that arrived at the Order years ago.

Rabi turned to him, his lopsided grin directed at the other. "You actually think I thought that far?"

Two years has changed them all but yet they were still together, sitting in the same room, chatting about different things of course. But yet no one would have ever been able to guess just by looking at them, nothing really changed at all, at least not to the human eye.

_He stepped into the tower; he could feel the similar draft crawl up the shaft of his leg. The numbing cold of the cobble stones made him recall all the memories he had here. The bad ones versus the good ones, they don't matter, they were still a part of Rabi, they were now all a part of him._

_His footsteps pounded as lightly as he could on each step. He could feel the Finders' eyes on him, they were observing, judging, just staring at him. _

_It was like a game of who would break first, it was a test to see who would lash out at the other screaming the words 'what are you doing here?!' Or maybe it was just him, it was probably all just him, he was imagining the stares and the eyes that were kept on the back of his head. _

_For all he knew there could be no one around him, it could probably just be himself walking after Bookman. Or even worst this could all be a dream and he would wake up in cold sweat, a book still clutch in his hands in that dreaded motel room._

_He could feel as he heart raced, with each pumping of the blood to his veins, he could hear his pulse in his ears. His blinked a couple times, his vision was a little fuzzy, he wasn't sure if it was the lack of exercise that was leaving him like this but it didn't exactly help as his palms broke out in light sweat. He quickly wiped them on his pants. He gripped the railings a little harder than necessary._

"_You look awful," Bookman looked back at him and remarked._

"_Shut up…" He frowned._

"_Is that how Rabi acts like?" Bookman raised an eyebrow in amusement._

"_Rabi has his bad days too." The red head continued to go up the seemingly endless stairs. How come he never noticed how painful it was to go up these stairs? He was practically bouncing up these stairs in the past._

_Maybe then he knew exactly what was waiting for him beyond those stairs._

_But now he didn't._

_Looking up he could see the landing. A few more steps and he was at the top, he had no idea what was going to be there. He didn't expect anything because he learned that the more you expect the bigger the let down. He no longer expects, he now just watches everything as they stirred into motion. _

_The gears clicked together and after two years he finally got back to where he started. _

_The core beginning of everything he was now living for laid sprawled in front of him._

"He is back." Riba walked in, a cup in hand as he announced his arrival. "Just at the gates."

"Alright, thanks." Komui nodded as he lifted himself from his desk.

Allen slipped out with a small 'good luck' directed at Rabi and Rinali hopped off the desk. "I will come back later." She gave the last two occupants of the room a smile before leaving.

The red head got up from his seat.

"Where are you going?" He stopped and looked back.

"You know you can't hide from him." The other took it all in silently.

"And I think he would like to see you too." Komui tilted his head to the side as he stared at the Bookman apprentice.

"Really?" Rabi looked up, head tilted to the side, face blank with no visible emotions although his heart pounded in his chest.

"It has been two years; I would be lying if anyone wouldn't want to see you again."

"What if he hates me?" He quietly asked, it was the question that he didn't dare voice out loud.

"Then you can't do anything about it."

He paused and then sat back down and waited because it was all that he could do for now at least.

"Komui, you bastard." A calm yet strangely threatening voice suddenly sounded before anything stepped foot into the room. And then a golem was sent flying through the air, it hit Komui's chest with accuracy and precision.

Komui groaned as Kanda Yuu walked in. He threw the mission folder down on his desk with a lot more force than it was necessary. "Welcome back Kanda…" He lightly gasped.

He hasn't changed at all; his hair has even gotten longer. But besides that his exorcist jacket was still marred with holes and ripped in numerous places. His blood or the Akuma's blood created spatters on the black and white surface. His pale face was still the usual frown. His icy blue eyes glistened in annoyance and anger. And Mugen was still strapped to his waist.

He looked exactly like he was, it seemed like time hasn't taken a hold on him yet.

"Komui, I want to skin you alive right now. You wasted an extra week of my life because your mission report was so flawed. There was doubled the amounts of Akumas." He said this in a calm voice; they could all feel the room temperature slowly dropping.

"I am truly sorry but now is not the time to discuss the mission, there is—" He never got to finish his sentence because by the time he said those last three words Kanda's gaze had already drifted from the Chinese to the red head sitting on the chair.

He froze right on the spot.

And Rabi stared right back. Their gaze meet, no emotions were passed. A long time seemed to have passed by but they both knew that it was merely seconds.

"What the fuck are you doing here?"

He quietly spat out, but without waiting for a reply he walked straight out, his jacket following behind him. Rabi didn't chase after him, he knew it would be useless right now, there was nothing he could do.

He turned back to Komui once the Japanese has walked past the doors on the far end.

Kanda's golem limply flapped its wings in Komui's hands as if trying to follow after its master.

"He seems to hate me." Rabi stood up from his seat, eyes cold and emotionless.

"You don't know that." Komui ran a hand over the deep cut to the side of the poor golem.

"This time even I couldn't read him." He stood there, he didn't look at the other in the room, his gaze was unfocused and blurred. "He has gotten better at hiding again."

A light laugh escaped his lips, although it was bitter and not at all sweet.

000

When he said _'Good bye,'_ wasn't that good bye?

What was happening?

Wasn't that the end?

How come he was here?

It didn't make any sense.

He raced down the hallway and quickly slammed the door behind him. His eyes were wide but yet it held nothing, it was just a hollow swirl of blue. His fingers touched the wooden frame of his door, slowly he trailed it down to the knob and he turned the lock. The clear sound of the lock snapping into place created a hollow chime in his empty room.

Why was this happening?

It was supposed to be just another mission, coming back to the Order was just going to be empty, nothing was suppose to be different. His heart was suppose to sting once again, but that was it, he wasn't supposed to be back. The walls were still cold and his room was still empty, the tiles that paved the halls were still cracked and smeared with dirt. The halls still felt drafty and the lights outside still flickered.

But yet how come everything was different?

He pressed his back to the door and slowly he slide down until he came into contact with the floor. He was tired and it was late. But he couldn't sleep and he knew it. Who can sleep when someone that was supposedly having left for good two years ago was now back? It wasn't supposed to work out like this.

Then how was it supposed to work out?

He held his head in his hands. He was supposed to forget. He was supposed to forget all about the other. His gleaming red air and his emerald orb. The way he laughed and the way he would tease him. The way his body felt against his, the way he kisses him at night and the way he felt when the other was close by. But that was only Rabi, it was never him. He was living a lie and he dragged him right into the middle of his spider webs.

Did it ever matter?

He knew it from the start; he knew the consequences of it all.

But did he care?

No, and that's why he never objected or push the other away. He accepted everything as it was. He didn't hate the other, no, that wasn't it. He just didn't want the other to come back into his heart. It hurts too much. He felted it before and he wasn't about to let him in again only to have him walk right back out…

It would have been better if the other thought he hated him...

He shivered and opened his eyes slowly. Groaning lightly he realized that he has fallen asleep by the door. No wonder he was cold, he slept on the bare floor boards the whole night. He doesn't remember when he fell asleep but he was lured to sleep by his unsettling waves of thoughts for sure.

He picked himself up from the ground and rubbed at his sleepy eyes. The sun has already risen; its lights peeked in from the corners of his window and splashed a painting of bright sunshine on the wall. He grimaced from the brightness of it.

He wasn't ready for such a morning.

It was too bright, the sun was out already and the dew just settled on the fresh morning grass. Every morning at the Order he would get up and go into the forests and train by himself. This morning was no different. It felt so ordinary that he couldn't help but remind himself that everything was wrong once again.

_He was back, back again. He was back as if he was never gone._

This morning was like all the other. He stepped into the roots entangled forest and unsheathed Mugen. He could feel the presence of someone else that was already there, he didn't acknowledge him; he still wanted to think that he was gone. He should be half way across the Earth from him but yet he was merely a few meters away from him.

He shivered from the intensity of the stare.

"Yuu."

He didn't respond.

The other stepped out from behind a tree, his red hair was dulled by the shade of the leaves. He parted his rosy red lips and called out again. "Yuu."

He didn't respond, he just stood there blade in one hand and the other hand curled into a fist trembling at his side.

"Yuu…" His quiet voice was the only thing that interrupted the silence in the forest, the sound of his own name seemed to echo in his mind.

"Shut up…" He snapped his head up and glared at the red head.

"Get the hell out of here; I have had enough of you." He spat the last word out as if it was poison.

The other shook his head. "I missed you."

He stood firmly there but if you looked close enough you could see that his whole body was trembling, with what emotion no one is sure. "Why are you back?"

"I have to finish my logs." Rabi murmured.

Kanda upon hearing this gave a bitter laugh. "Your logs?"

He nodded.

"Welcome back then." He icily replied.

He turned and started to walk back, training long gone from his mind. What did he expected? He would never actually come back for him, never in a million years because his logs will always be the first priority. He was just ink on paper, nothing else but that. He couldn't expect any more from that Bookman apprentice.

"Yuu!" He called out hesitantly. He paused and just stood there, waiting for the rest of his sentence. Rabi gave a sigh of relieve, he really did thought that the other would just continue to walk away from him.

"Do you hate me?" He lowered his voice but it was enough for the other to hear him.

He didn't reply, standing there in between the trees he was like a pale silhouette among the greens, you wouldn't dare to blink because you were sure that the next second he would be gone from your view. Kanda bit his lips, sheathed Mugen and continued to walk back.

Until he disappeared behind the trees Rabi released a huge breath and fell to his knees.

XXX Kuro

I think I will post one or two more chapters to this; I am still not too sure. This one's mood was a little lighter than the rest, but its time to wrap things up. A happy ending is still not a total 100 percent sure but I am trying. Thank you all for your support so far, review?


	5. A Game of Cat and Mouse

I just finished this chapter last night, I am still really unsure of how this will go… But I hope you will all stay with my story! :D I don't own anything and here is more angst to come.

XXX

**A Game of Cat and Mouse**

XXX

He closes the door behind him with a hand, he had gripped Mugen with such force before but now it was just numb with fear, it was shaking so badly that the blade slips from his hand and clatters to the ground.

His blue eyes wavered as he saw Mugen hit the ground, shaking his head he couldn't help but punch the wall in frustration. The pain that emitted from his hand distracted him for a moment but soon the thoughts of him filled his mind once more.

The way he stood there as if nothing was wrong, asking that innocent question as if they never knew one another.

What about their past?

What about the nights they spent lying next to each other?

Did they ever matter?

And then he sunk to the ground, knees pulled up to his chin. He kept on shivering uncontrollably, although he was not a bit cold at all.

He rested his forehead onto his knees; he could faintly feel his heartbeat through his whole body as he curls closer together. He breathed in the scent of himself and buried his head deeper into the folds of his shirt.

000

Of all the things you could have asked me, why did you ask for hate?

I really don't understand you, but what could I have expected. You were the Bookman apprentice; I only know what you let on. I can't tell your intended lies from the truths you slipped out. I can't tell.

You have to tell me.

I learned to let go once, how come you had to come back and latched back on to me? I don't think I can forget you as easily as I did the first time; you have entered farther than anyone else. If you don't believe me, please believe in the ways of Bookmen.

Get rid of all your feelings for me and leave.

Don't ever make me fall in love with you.

I can't afford it twice, I will snap and break and crumble into your arms.

Please lay me to sleep, stab me in the heart, you know as well as I do that I can't die that easily. Please stab me until the last petal falls and I can give up everything along with your love.

I really wasn't ready for your return. Why won't you understand?

I locked my heart once, everyone stayed away except for you. I locked and barricaded my door. But somehow you entered once and for all. You broke down my reason, you broke down my rules. You were my world.

And then I lost everything the day you left.

I watched as everything came down on me, stared upwards as my world came spiraling down at me. And as it all crumbled to the ground, I could only watch and marvel at how deep your love really was for me.

That should have been the last time.

When I thought it was all over, your scent drifts from the end of the hall and I can hear your laughter ring out, the sun seem to be shining brighter and it was a clear sky for as far as I can see. And then all the memories of you and me wrapped in each other's arms floated to the surface and I find that I had never forgotten you.

000

It was midday when a knock sounded at his door. He didn't respond to it and buried his head deeper into his arms, attempting to ignore the other just on the outside of his room.

"Kanda…" It was a quiet voice, he knew it was Rinali.

"I know you are in there, come out, please."

He could hear the silent pleading in her strained voice.

It wasn't until the seventh knock that he finally picked himself up from the ground and unlocked the door. He pulled the door open and her face brightened immediately.

"Kanda, its 2 already, and according to me, you haven't eaten a bite of food since the morning." She frowned at him.

"So what?" He replied, an even look on his face.

"I won't let you starve yourself." She firmly replied before walking down the hall, holding on to the edge of his shirt.

He knew how far he could push himself, but right now he was at his maximum. He closed the door behind him as he obediently followed after her. He was tired, he didn't want to resist any further.

Kanda knows when he is in danger, he knows how deep he can sink before it is time to get out. But this time he was too blinded to see, he was confused and lost in his memories and regrets but Rinali sees and Rinali knows.

He has been drowning for far too long to be saved.

Rinali knows that this may possibly be the end of it all. She knew there will be a moment when the two of them will know that giving each other up is the easier way. She just hopes that Rabi and Kanda are two human beings with strong enough pride that will never let them live it down if they were to take the easier way out.

She just hopes that they weren't as weak as the state they are in right now because one wrong step and everything would fall out of balance.

And then everything may never be saved.

Because she not only knows but she sees and right now she truly worries.

"I thought you loved him." She turned and stared back at him, at the sudden movement Kanda almost ran into her.

He looked away and commented offhandedly. "I don't think I did."

"Then do you hate him?" She asked another question.

"Yes, I do." He brushed by her as he continued to walk down the hall, the light flickered and his shadow wavered. Rinali could no longer tell the lies from the truths.

"This game, it got to end." She turned and called out to him.

"Then tell him to leave." He never turned back.

"That's not my choice to make." She quietly told him, she knew he heard it just as well.

000

"Get away from me!" He shouted angrily back at the red head.

"Tell me you hate me. Then I will leave you alone." He calmly stated.

"Fuck you!" He clutched Mugen harder.

"Tell me you hate me." He stalked after the other.

"Leave me alone!" He turned and glared at him.

"Do you hate me?" He asked again and again.

It was the fifth day after Kanda came back from his mission. It wasn't until the third day that Rabi started his chase. It was early in the morning where it all began.

_He walked down the hill, humming an almost silent tune as he made his way down to the forest where Kanda would be. The sun peeked through the crack of the leaves, the ground shimmer as the leaves moved._

_He stopped and stared as he finally came upon the other. _

_It was just like those mornings long ago when Yuu would quietly creep out from his room and leave to train here. And every time he wakes up without Yuu he would pout but follow after him and watch in silence as Yuu performed his dangerous dance._

"_Get out of here." A deadly snarl was sent his way as Kanda halted to a stop._

"_You know I won't." He stood firmly in place, this game has got to stop, and he knew it better than anyone else._

"_What do you want?" He stood as he untied the strip of cloth that covered his eyes. It slips off of his face and he shoved it carelessly into his pocket._

"_I want you to tell me something."_

"_Is this for your logs?" He coldly asked, he knew that this comment hit home and struck Rabi right in the heart._

_But the answer surprised him. "No."_

"_How do I know you aren't lying like all the other things you've said to me?" He glared at the other, face emotionless._

"_You don't have to believe me, you never had to." Rabi looked evenly back at the Japanese._

_He didn't receive a reply to this and so he continued._

"_Can you please tell me whether you hate me or not?"_

_The question was back, ever since the day he asked it, it hung in the air like the musty scent of the rain._

"_Yuu! Tell me!" His voice wavered as the sky began to grow gloomy. "Do you hate me?"_

"_Why do you want to know?" His voice was cold and uncaring, it dripped with venom._

"_Because I love Yuu." He looked at him, that single eye gleaming an emerald green._

_Kanda shook his head and murmured. "The lies got to stop." _

"_I can't afford to believe them anymore!" _

_And then the rain started to fall. _

_The two of them stood there facing the other as the drizzle of rain soon turned into a downpour. The droplets of water rolled down Kanda's bare skin and fell to the ground; his hair was now plastered to his face. Rabi's clothes were heavy and clung on to him like a second skin. Rain rolled down his face and the color of his hair was dulled down._

_They didn't know how long it was that they stood there but neither did they really care. As the rain continued to pound on their skin their sight of each other never wavered._

_Kanda's bare skin shone a pale white in the gray atmosphere and Rabi's colorful features shone out even though they were all now dulled down to a light glow._

"_Yuu, please hate me!" He shouted in the rain. Rabi closed his eye; he could feel the warmth of his tears as they blended in with the cold rain drops._

_It seemed as though the other didn't reply._

_But in the rain as Rabi shut his eye, Kanda whispered._

"_I wish I could." _

_Tears fell freely from those icy blue eyes. The mixed emotions that swirled in those orbs were too much to take in at once. But it was certain that there weren't a speck of hate in them._

_And then the rain continued to fall despite everything else._

000

What Rabi knows is that Yuu don't lie.

But what Rabi doesn't know is that Yuu has learnt to lie.

What Yuu knows is that Rabi lies a lot.

But what Yuu doesn't know is that Rabi has learnt to tell the truth.

The truth hurts a lot, they both know it.

But what they are about to learn is that lies hurt equally a lot too.

000

If you told me you hate me, I would be able to give you up a lot easier.

But when you refuse to answer more of my hope goes up.

Please don't wait until I am at the top then utter those three words that will bring me down, it will hurt too much.

I wish you could hate me.

Maybe that way, there could be a happy ending for the two of us.

You drag this game for far too long, my feelings for you are still growing. Please say 'I hate you,' I think that is the only way that will make me give you up.

000

"Tell me you hate me." He walked after the other.

"Get out of my face." He slammed open the cafeteria door.

"Yuu, please tell me, how much do you hate me?!" He continued to follow him even as he sat down to eat his food.

The other didn't reply he just lowered his head and quietly ate. Although the soba's taste was long gone, he only ate to survive now, he no longer eat because he enjoys it. Why soba? It seemed fitting to him, everyone will thinks he is just the way he was.

He didn't want anyone to know that he has changed, he didn't want to let anyone know about anything anymore, and especially not Rabi.

"Why won't you say my name?" He pondered lightly as he sat across from the Japanese, two months of this game of cat and mouse, but never once did he hear the other call his name.

Kanda's body froze in his seat, his hand trembled lightly as Rabi continued to look at him. And as fast as he was, he slammed his chopsticks on to the table; it created a loud noise in the cafeteria, despite the usual noise level.

By then everyone was looking at the pair.

Kanda looked up from eating; his eyes were as cold as ice.

"Because I don't know who you are anymore."

He got up and left, there was no longer anything that made him want to stay. Rabi's gaze followed his retreating back and as he left the cafeteria Rabi looked back at the plate of soba that was hardly even touched.

"Hey Rabi." A gentle voice called out his name.

He looked up, it was Allen. "Hey." He tiredly replied.

"I think you may be pushing him too far." He sat down on where Kanda used to be.

Rabi laughed, a gently tune in the noisy cafeteria. "Don't worry, he won't break yet."

"How about you?" Allen leaned forward, pressing his fingertips on to the table with more force than necessary.

"What about me?" Rabi tilted his head to the side with a smile. "I feel fine."

"You are thinner, your smile is dull, and the way you laugh is no longer happy, it holds more pain than real happiness." Allen frowned, truly worried at his friend.

"What happened to the real Rabi I know?"

"I want to know too, Allen." He looked down at the soba left behind.

Picking up a string of soba he lifted it up to his lips before tasting it.

"I never knew Yuu liked such tasteless foods." He sadly commented as he swallowed the food.

Allen didn't know what to say as he stared back at his friend, he was crying silently. Tears rolled down the red head's cheek as he crumbled right in front of him, his shoulders shook and his whole frame trembled.

He looked up, eye red from the tears; he sniffed quietly before giving him a sad smile. "I look real pathetic don't I?"

Allen blinked before reaching into his jacket, rummaging for something. His hand slipped over a rectangular package before pulling it out from his pockets. It was a pack of cards.

He laid out all the cards on to the table before Rabi. He looked sternly at the other as he reached out to grab a hold of Rabi's hand.

"Pick a card." He said his face was no longer that innocent smile; it was just a blank expression.

Allen let go of Rabi's hand and let him survey over the cards. Rabi gently placed a finger over the card at the corner.

Allen smiled, "pick it up."

And Rabi did as he was told.

He flipped it over and the card laid out for all to see on the table.

The King of Hearts.

"You are the King of Hearts, you can't give up now." Allen held up the card to him.

"Go win him back."

Rabi looked at the card and then back at Allen.

A thin smile graced his lips. He took a hold of the card and stared at it.

"It may already be too late."

And then he dropped the card back on to the table.

000

He slammed the door in his face as soon as he opened his mouth to ask again.

"Yuu!" He rapped his knuckles across the surface of the other's door. "Tell me you hate me!"

Silence replied him, he tried the door knob but it was locked from the inside.

"Why won't you just say you hate me?" He placed a hand on the door.

"You wrote it once on a piece of paper, why won't you say it out loud to me?"

"Respond, god-damnit!" He kicked the door in frustration. "I know you can hear me."

"Leave me alone!" He shouted on the other side of the door. He pressed his back against the wood; he could feel the kick as Rabi's foot connected with the door.

"Tell me you hate me!" He shouted, glaring at the door as if it would really collapse under the intensity.

"Tell me you hate me!" He repeated.

He then heard a crash from inside the room.

It was the breaking point.

The door was thrown open.

Rabi stared as he stepped out. He quietly asked again.

"Do you hate me?"

And with an eerie quiet voice Kanda finally responded.

"Yes, I hate you with everything I got."

And then the game of cat and mouse was over.

XXX Kuro

What did I do?? This story will no longer be as short as I intended… -pathetic state- Gah! Don't blame me, I am trying… -pouts- I can't believe I written such terrible things to Rabi and Yuu again. Please tell me what you all thought? Review?


	6. No Turning Back

Finally another chapter! Please don't hate for such slow updates, just to tell all my readers: I never write any chapters beforehand! So I am kind of like you guys, after this chapter I have no clue where it would go. (What a lousy writer DX) But please don't abandon me or this story… orz

And like every chapter beginning I must put up a disclaimer: I don't own!

XXX

**No Turning Back**

XXX

There are some things that have been said but were never meant.

And there are some things that have been done and could never be undone.

And when he said 'I hate you' that was the first step he took backwards.

"What you said is the only thing you can never take back." Rabi coldly replied before turning, he walked swiftly down the hall.

And when he left without fighting that was the second step that took them farther away from one another.

His retreating back was now a foreign sight, it was cold and filled with such bitterness. Kanda looked away, tearing his gaze from the red head as he soon disappeared around the corner.

"It's good to know that you can walk so easily away from me." He brushed a strand of ebony from his emotionless face. "It really is good to know that you do much better without me."

He slips back into the comforts of his room and with a light push the door closes once more. He didn't need to lock it anymore because he knew that no one would ever come his way again.

He has gotten rid of the only person that he has ever felt for.

The red head has gotten the hate he wanted; there was nothing here that he would come back for. There was nothing, just an empty vault, dried of emotions.

Kanda lifted his hand to touch his cheeks, he wasn't even crying. Rabi has drained him dry of everything, his feelings, his tears, his heart and soul; he has given it all up. It was over for the two of them, they shouldn't be anymore lingering feelings.

He lay down on his bed and released a huge breath; he hasn't realized how tense he has been for the past few months. Now that their game was over, he just hoped that everything would be fine again.

But deep down, he knew that it could never be.

000

It was over.

Everything was over.

There was never a returning road.

They had once loved too deep, but now all was clear to them. Pulling back they saw their road ahead of them. It's time to part and without another word their hands let loose of one another and they turned their backs.

I didn't need you in my life and you didn't need me in your life either.

So lets part when we have the chance.

There could still be a happy ending for us out there.

It's just that there will never be you and me together.

Because every road we go down together will become a tragedy, you know it as well as I do. We tried it once, it never worked out. I tried saving what we had but now once that the words were out, there was no turning back.

Let's give it up when we can.

I knew that I loved you once, I was able to give you up but I know that I never really forgotten about you. But now that we have met for the second time, I couldn't help it as I hoped for you to return my feelings once-upon-a-time.

And then the words were spilt over our thirst for hate. Our love has tired us out, look at the tears we shed. We lived through despair and a broken heart.

The harder and the deeper we once loved, the more painful the memories will become. The scars we left behind have been hurting but now that our backs are against each other, the scars will disappear with time.

With time, our feelings for one another will wash away.

We had loved too deep but our time ran out.

Lets put a the end to our tragic tale. Close the book and let it become history.

000

How deep was your love for me?

You replied me with such ease.

"I hate you with everything I got."

Thanks Yuu, I can give up so such easier now.

You said you hate me and now I know. This way I can let go of you and know that there will never be another turning point in our lives. This is the best way of us both, I don't have your heart tied down and you returned mine's full of scars but it hasn't broke yet. We are still fine, we are still intact.

We can still go on.

Slowly he turned the corner and with a peer back into the hall, he could see that Yuu's door was already closed. He gave a gentle sigh.

"It's good to see that you are doing better than I am." He softly smiles as he stumbled down another hallway. His footsteps sounded in his ear drums, his head felt light and he used all his energy to keep himself from fainting. He pressed his palm on to the wall for support, his head pounded and his body swayed a little.

He arrived at the top of the stairway, he looked down, and the stairs seemed to stretch on forever. He shook his head to get rid of the clouded thoughts, it didn't help one bit though.

Rabi took a deep breath and leaned on to the wall for support. He closed his eye and rested his head against the wall; the cool surface of the stone wall calmed him slightly.

But then his voice cut through his mind like a knife.

_I hate you with everything I got._

Rabi bit his lips to prevent himself from screaming.

_I hate you with everything I got._

The voice went on despite the pain that gnawed at him.

_I hate you with everything I got._

Again and again the voice repeated those hated words.

_I hate you._

Those hated words that he wished for.

_I hate you._

He never knew how painful it could be until now.

_I hate you._

His breathing became ragged as Yuu's voice pounded into his head.

"Of all the things in the world, why did you give me hate?"

He lowly murmured, no one could hear him but it didn't mean that it hurt any less. His heart throbbed in his chest, when they say that love with grow thin with time, was it really true?

He had all the time in the world, he didn't mind.

But when he thought of the days and nights with this pain in his chest, he really didn't know if he could live through it.

He has been drowning the day he left the Order; he lost his ability to breath a long time ago. But now he was pulled up to the surface, awakened by the harsh reality of hate, he no longer knew how to breathe. He forgotten how to breathe the moment he started to drown. He was choking on the surface, he was dying.

He blinked to clear away the fuzzy black dots that flitted around his vision. His body swayed as he took the first step down, his hand gripped the railing tightly. His whole body trembled, he felt cold, he couldn't help as he shivered. But when he lifted a hand to feel his cheeks, he knew that they were burning.

He saw his breathing coming out as white air like it would on a cold day. He blinked, the black dots never faded away. Instead they seemed to be increasing; he felt panic slowly crawl up his spine. He never had this feeling before, what was happening?

And then his vision slowly darkened as the number of dots increased, he could no longer see anything. He reached blindly to grip the railing but he only felt empty air. His body swayed and he lunged forward.

He fell down the stairs to land in a crumbled heap on the ground, he was no longer conscious.

000

We loved and we hated.

But now where does it leave us?

We are stuck in the middle, lost in the direction we want to go.

How did we ever manage to turn love into hate?

Please don't ask me.

I don't want to know what I did wrong.

And as our mistakes slowly built up, the farther and farther we get from one another.

000

If you wanted my hate so badly then I will let you have it.

I will say it over and over again if it pleases you.

I hate you.

_It really wasn't a lie._

I hate you.

_It was a wish._

I hate you.

_I hoped that it could really come true._

I can say it a million times but only I will know that I could never mean it.

I just hoped that you will take it as the truth and hate me back with all the emotions you got. Turn your love for me to hate, I can live it down easier.

"Of all the things in the world, why did you ask for hate?"

He murmured as he ran a hand through his long hair. He slowly relaxed his whole body into the bed. Pulling the thin sheets closer to his body, he let loose of all the tension that has been building up. And finally everything caught up with him, the dread, the anger, the frustration, and the pain.

He never lost anything, he just happened to be a little ahead of them.

But now that they caught up with him, all the emotions finally settled back into him. And he felt drained. His eye sight was blurred, but not by tears of course. He couldn't cry anymore, he shouldn't be able to. Didn't Rabi take away everything?

His long strands of dark hair spread out like a fan onto his pillow, it created a deep contrast between black and white. His eyes were hollow as he stared right up at the ceiling, his rosy red lips parted to let a breath escape.

He pulled the collar of his shirt closer to him and laid there as he blinked blankly up at the white ceiling. His head pounded with blank thoughts, he just couldn't seem to capture the thoughts and put it in words. They were jumbled and just a bunch of gibberish, he didn't understand.

He wanted to sleep; he knew he was tired but the thoughts ran on a train and it circles his mind, not stopping for even one moment. He closed his eyes, he didn't see complete darkness, he just saw gray. The emptiness of the color gray made him snap his eyes open and gasp as if waking from a nightmare.

He sat up despite the exhaustion of his limbs, his hand grasped at his chest right on the cursed marking. He looked down, hair flaying at the motion. And as everything settled down once more, he could hear the gradual loud pumping of the blood from his heart.

His eye caught sight of the lamp in the room, it was in a thousand pieces scattered all over the wooden floor. He had thrown it against the ground in frustration and desperation. And as he watched it break he felt just a little calming, he knew that he had to stop the game and so he yanked open the door and spat those words right back at the red head.

He got what he wanted. The hate that he sought for was now given to him, handed to him on a silver platter. He bend down and picked up the broken light bulb it was no longer hot from the warmth of the light, it was now just a dead cold weight in his palm.

His finger traced the edge of it, he didn't even blink when the sharp edge dug into his skin and red droplets dripped from the small cut. He only watched as the blood fell and splattered onto the floor. He closed his eyes and endured the little amount of pain that came from the cut. His eye lashes fluttered with the motion and his blue eyes only see gray now.

Black and white, you could tell the truth from the lies.

But when everything rest in a world of gray, nothing can be sorted, nothing can be told. The secrets are hidden and his heart just continued to hurt.

000

His eyes widens as he looked down from the top of the stairs to find a body at the bottom of the stairs. He cautiously walked down the steps, his eyes never leaving the person on the ground.

"Are you alright?" He lightly called out but froze as his eyes caught sight of something.

"Oh my god… that's Rabi." He gasped in recognition of the red hair. He kneeled right next to the collapsed body.

"Are you alright?" There was not only urgency in his voice but panic as well as worry.

He gently lifted his head into his lap and shook his shoulders with a feather light touch.

A low murmur replied him but the red head's eye never opened.

"Damnit… what happened?" He quietly whispered to himself as he looked around the quiet hallway, there was no one.

He wasn't a doctor, he didn't know what harm could have already been inflicted on the other, he could be bleeding on the inside and he could have never known. He had to leave to get someone to help Rabi; he was far too small to carry the other to the infirmary.

He lightly placed the other back on the floor and bit his lips as he thought deeply at who was the closest. His decision was made up and with one last look back at the unconscious Rabi he darted back up the stairs and ran as fast as he could to the destination in mind.

He rounded the corner and looked around with his eyes as he looked for the certain number. His eyes brighten at the mere sight of the door; he banged on the wooden door with his fist as he caught his breath.

"Open the door!" He called out as he banged the door harder this time.

The door was suddenly yanked open and he was face with a rather angry person.

"What do you want, Moyashi?" The words were practically spat at him.

"It doesn't matter right now, come on." He grimaced at the snare but didn't back down.

"Why should I go with you?" Kanda snapped as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Because Rabi is hurt!" He cried out exasperatedly.

The name caused the other to freeze, the anger in Kanda's eyes disappeared and it was replaced by a blank expression. And then he coldly replied.

"I don't care."

Allen paused and blinked before calmly reasoning. "Kanda, I am not joking. Rabi can be seriously hurt. You have to help him."

"I am not joking either, Moyashi." Kanda looked at him, that blank expression never left his face. "I don't care about that red head."

"I am not asking you to care." Allen's eyes glinted dangerously; he really didn't care about what happened between them right now, he just wanted to ensure Rabi's safety. "I am just asking you to help him as a comrade."

"He is the Bookman Junior, he isn't our comrade." He icily retorted.

"Kanda." Allen's head was lowered and his frame shook with anger. "You are a heartless bastard!"

His hand shot up and his palm connected with Kanda's cheek, creating a loud smack that echoed in the empty hall. Kanda's hand reached up to touch the stinging flesh, his eyes didn't meet Allen's but he knew that the other was burning with anger.

"You can hit me all you want but I don't know anyone by the name Rabi." He calmly replied, eyes now frozen over.

Allen seethed and his hands shook. A small gasp was heard from the side and they both snapped their head up to the intruder of their conversation.

It was Krory.

Allen breathed a sign of relief as he called out. "Krory, come with me!"

And without another look back at the Japanese he jogged down the hall.

"Alright…" He timidly replied as he followed but not before sparing another gaze at Kanda who still had a hand to his cheek.

000

I have walked on and on for all my life. You can almost say that I have forgotten how to take a step back. I was taught to keep on moving, I can dwell for a moment but then I must hurry on faster to catch up with the time I lost.

The number of my alias keeps on increasing, it should never have turned back and it should have never stopped.

So when that did happen it hit me by surprise, everything that I had under control suddenly slips out of my hand and runs wildly on its own. My 49th alias was over, but now I am reopening it and stepping back into his skin once more. It felt strange at first but it came to me once more.

Rabi's memories, Rabi's thoughts, Rabi's emotions, and most of all Rabi's love for Yuu, it overwhelmed me. How could a mask feel so much? I've gone down this road before, Rabi wasn't a mask anymore. Rabi was me, and through Rabi this name I regained the heart I lost, the heart that yearned for Kanda Yuu.

And me? I was lost at the things that I should do and so I did the thing I knew best, I kept on going without another look back.

000

Rinali hummed lightly just as she finished all her duty at the infirmary. She gathered up her things and was about to leave when the doors were burst opened, she looked up and saw Allen enter with Krory following closely after him.

"What happened?" She panicked wondering what may have happened. She rushed over to them and caught sight of Rabi on Krory's back. She gasped and got a bed ready.

Krory gently laid the red head onto the fresh clean bed. Rabi's body limply fell on to the bed with a dull thud.

"What happened?" She asked again

Krory's face was masked in confusion, knowing she wouldn't receive any information from him Rinali directed herself at Allen who sat on a chair sulking lightly.

"What happened?" She watched the young boy as she kept her other eye on Rabi who was now being attended to by the head nurse. She seemed to frown at the unconscious red head but otherwise everything was fine, she didn't seem to be panicking.

Allen shrugged and leaned back into the chair, a really small frown graced his face. "I don't know, when I saw him he was lying at the bottom of the stairs."

Rinali nodded, although this wasn't the best of explanations but she will take what she is given for now. Krory seemed like he wanted to say something but after a moment he closed his mouth and kept quiet as he looked over at Rabi.

Rinali regarded Allen with a slightly annoyed look on her face, she knew there was something he kept from her but she didn't want to pry.

"What happened to your hand?" And then Rinali's eyes caught sight of Allen's left hand, it was slightly red.

"I slapped Kanda." He calmly replied.

000

I was always remembering, thinking and reliving my past in the safe corners of my mind. I always looked back, I would have never remember 'that certain person' if it wasn't for my constant looks back into time. You can call it an accident but now that finally remembered it I can't seem to let go.

It was safer where I know everything, the way everything would turn out was all in my control, there was no 'what if' and I liked it better that way. My childhood, the bad memories and the good ones, there were all common visitors into my dreams. Yes, I admit it, I don't like new things, and I hate change.

And when I slowly gotten attached to Rabi of all people, I panicked. I tried to suppress my feelings for him even though I knew that since the very beginning it would have never worked.

Days in and out, not even did my memories help relieved the constant thought of him. And so I did the only thing I knew best, I walked further away from him.

And the farther I tried to stay away from him, the closer he crept into my heart.

My memories, my dreams, and my past were all shattered by the mere thoughts of him. 'That person' was being replaced, one day at a time; it was slowly turning into Rabi. Every time I closed my eyes, his red hair, his green eye, and that particular smile just appears.

But despite everything I kept on looking back into the past and in the end I knew I never took a step forward.

000

"Is he alright?" Allen stood up again just as soon as the head nurse finished what ever she was doing.

She nodded before explaining. "There are no major injuries, just a broken arm, two fractured ribs, a twisted ankle, and plenty of scratches here and there. "He only fainted because of over exhaustion; it had nothing to do with the fall."

"Over-exhaustion…" Krory murmured as he looked back down at the younger boy, the red head does seem skinner and paler than before. It was hard to notice all these little details when he walks around with that smile on his face. But now even Krory notices all the effects these few months after his return has caused.

"Don't worry, all these injuries he has right now will heal with time." She picked up her materials.

"Thank you." Rinali replied, gaze drifted to the red head on the bed.

"None of you need to watch him too closely; he just needs to rest that speeding mind down for a while." The nurse put the jars of medicine away on a shelf near by.

"He will wake up soon right?" Allen suddenly spoke up from the plastic chair.

"He will wake up when he isn't so tired." And then she left the room.

000

Rabi lay on the white bed and listened as the machines hummed beside him. His mind drifted between conscious and unconscious, his limbs were heavy and seemed as if they weigh of lead. His red hair lay limp on the crisp white pillow as his chest slowly rose up and down. Although he seemed to be sleeping but his mind whirled on and on with thoughts of uncertainty.

There are some of us who are always the ones to charge forward.

They are call dumb-asses.

And there are some of us who never even dare to take a step forward.

They are call cowards.

Kanda flicked a strand of hair from his eyes and laid back down, his finger now bandaged. From the corner of his eye he saw his curtains moved with the wind blowing in from the broken window he never bothered to replace. The warm summer breeze drifted in carrying the sweet honey smell of the fresh grown flowers. But his cheek still lingered with the stinging blow from Allen.

Yet nothing felt the same because there was no turning back now.

XXX Kuro

… There is no chance of returning now eh? I can't go back to sticking with a simpler plot. Why must I do this?? –bangs head on desk- Btw Rabi's injuries are totally made up, I don't know what would happen if you fell down a flight of stone stairs. But I imagine it to hurt... a lot. But I think the most surprising thing was Allen slapping Kanda eh? –snickers- Review?


	7. Caged Bird

Sorry for the long wait, but here is chapter 7 of Caught Up. This chapter shouldn't be as angst as the other ones... I think... But I don't own like always. ;D

XXX

**Caged Bird**

XXX

The path that they must walk is now stretched before them, they both gotten what they asked for. The risks are over but what lay before them now was a story with nothing but a tragic end.

Turn back the time and watch to see if there was ever a happy ending.

The hands of the clock slowly moved on, they never stop. And so they ticked, on and on, one sound at a time. They slowly move forward, while all the rest is forgotten in time.

A light groan interrupted the silence in the infirmary. Rabi slowly opened his eye and grimaced as he took a look at his surroundings. He remember the fall, the moment just before the ground fell from beneath his feet and all he felt was the air as it rushes pass him. He even remembered the contact with the ground but that was mere seconds before his consciousness slipped from his hands.

"You are awake, Rabi." A gentle voice made him turn to his left and saw Allen smiling back at him tiredly.

He opened his mouth to talk but no sounds would come out. He coughed a little, throat beyond dry. Allen noticed and instantly stood up; he poured crystal like water into a glass on the bed table.

He sat up slowly, wincing through the pain that seemed to be emitting from everywhere on his body. Rabi lifted the cup to his lips and took a few sips; the liquid soothed his dry throat. "Thanks, Allen." He quietly said as he leaned back on to the plush white pillow.

"Welcome." He murmured as he rubbed at his sleep filled eyes. It seems that he had been at Rabi's side for quite a while. "How are you feeling?"

"Still a little tired." The Bookman apprentice laughed lightly and looked at his own state. Allen gave a small nod.

And then silence resumed to the room as the red head slowly sipped at his water. But his green eye darted each and every way as he looked over his surroundings, all he saw was white. Everything was in a different shade of white and if he was lucky he would see something gray. He mentally sighed at the lack of decoration or colors in the room but turned his gaze back towards the younger teen.

"I want to know what happened." Allen boldly stated as he regained the other's attention.

"What do you mean?" Rabi gave him a look of confusion. Playing dumb wasn't as hard as some make it seem.

"Why else didn't Kanda hit me back?" Allen's gaze hardened.

"Why would Yuu hit you back?" He didn't need to pretend, he really was confused now.

"Because I hit him." Allen plainly stated as he leaned forward to rest his elbows on the bed.

"You hit… Yuu… ?" Rabi's eye widens as he leaned forward ignoring the pain from his arm.

Allen didn't reply, he just nodded.

"Why?" The red head seemed to be slowly overcoming the shock.

"Because of you." Allen turned his head so he was facing the other now. His lips turned into an annoyed frown.

"What did I do?" Rabi tilted his head to the side and asked, still a little lost at what happened.

"That is something I don't know about." Allen looked at the other with his gray orbs unblinking. "Its all between you and Kanda."

"There's nothing between Yuu and me anymore." Rabi flipped a strand of red from his face.

Surprisingly Allen laughed, "Even I know that that can't be true."

"Allen, you must have been mistaken." Rabi shook his head eye indifferent to the accusation. "Yuu and I are merely comrades."

"You two do think alike." Allen shrugged, a calm posture glazed over. "But there is one thing that is different between you and Kanda."

"And what is that?" Rabi asked, not showing even a hint of curiosity.

"Kanda doesn't even consider you as a comrade."

"Pity then." Rabi gave a halfhearted laughter.

"It won't go away if you two don't solve it properly." Allen got up to leave, Rabi just watched him, not bothering to comment anymore.

"By the way, you dropped this at the table." He added.

The two of them watched as it flutters from Allen's hand to land right in front of Rabi.

"Remember who you are." And then Allen walked to the white door, closing it silently behind him.

The card lay in front of him.

"The King of Hearts," Rabi's emerald green orb reflected back the image of the playing card.

"How ironic."

000

Farther and farther away, we walked on, shadows no longer touching.

I felt a cold draft drift up my arm.

It felt colder than before, what changed?

I looked around; there was nothing in the darkness and you?

You were long gone.

But I could still hear your gentle laughter in my ear and feel your arms wrapped against me. What memories can do to you, I regretted ever knowing you. I regretted everything I've said to you.

If we never met, we could have still been sane.

But now I continue to fall deeper and deeper into the memories of you.

000

"Kanda, my brother wants to talk to you about something." Rinali caught the Japanese eating silently at a table.

The Japanese looked up from his food and gave her a small nod; he placed the chopsticks down neatly by his plate and pushed the chair back.

"You can finish your food you know." Rinali looked at the plate of barely touched soba.

"I am not hungry." He stood up.

"Alright then." Rinali blinked her large brown eyes and followed the older male out of the cafeteria. She always kept an eye out for him, especially after Rabi came back to the Order she knew something was bound to happen. So she stood back and watched as everything happened, just like her brother said, history repeats.

But she just hopes that it won't get out of hand.

"What do you want, Komui?" Kanda's voice snapped her from her day dreams.

"Sit down first, Kanda." Komui pushed his glasses higher up on his nose before calmly stating.

"Don't waste my time." Kanda glared but sat down none the less. Rinali bend down and picked up a stray piece of loose paper from the ground.

"Alright then," Komui cleared his throat before beginning. "I want you to take care of Rabi."

Rinali choked but kept silent as she watched for Kanda's reaction.

"No." Kanda's voice gave nothing away.

"This isn't a choice you get to make, it's an order." Komui replied, flicking a strand of black from his eyes.

"What are you trying to accomplish?" Kanda narrowed his eyes.

"Nothing, why? Does it bother you to watch out for Rabi?" Komui raised an eyebrow. The Japanese didn't reply.

"If it doesn't bother you then this is my final decision." Komui signed off another piece of paper. And then there was nothing else to argue about, Kanda stood up and left the room.

000

The red head snapped his eye open and stared at the ceiling of the darkened white room. He could barely make out the dark shapes in the corners. Night has fallen as far as he was concerned. He slowly sat up, avoiding all the injuries that still stung with every movement that he made.

He has just woken up from a nightmare. He didn't quite remembered what happened but he knew that his chest really hurts. Something bad has happened and he knew it, he just couldn't remember what. He bit his lips in frustration, only if he knew.

He was curious as to what he had dreamt about but as he thought hard back to the blurred figures and the frozen frames he couldn't help but draw a blank in his mind. And he hated himself for that, the continuous stretch of white that held no answer for him, he felt sick to his stomach.

He sighed as he rubbed at his temple. It was a really important dream, he could feel it but he just didn't know what happened in that mindless state.

He was trained to become a Bookman, how come he can't even remember such little details like this? Maybe it was only a dream, dreams aren't real. And Bookmen are only supposed to remember the truths, things that have happened, they had to be reality.

And a dream just isn't real.

No matter how realistic it seemed. It was only a dream, he shouldn't care but he felt an unusual obsession gravitating him towards this blank dream. His hand shook as he failed to remember the important details of the nightmare.

000

When I first stepped into the familiar room I saw him. He lay on the floor, hair limp on the ground. I paused for a second before slowly walking over, careful at where I tread, my footsteps were almost inaudible.

He didn't move from the state he was in.

And then the sound of the ticking from the clock seemed to gradually increase its volume in my ear. Second by second it passed and now my heart pounded in unison with it.

I shook my head and willed myself not to think. I took a deep breath and kneeled by him, gently as if afraid to know the truth I shook his shoulders. His body moved with my motion and when I stopped so did he. He didn't even crack open an eye to peer at me. His body was still and I instantly pulled back.

I knew what has happened but my thoughts pushed it all away. Now I kneeled there gaping as I continued to stare at the state that he was in. I don't love him, I never did, why should I care what happens to him now?

He hates me and I hate him, we are far from lovers and too distant to be even friends now. Nothing of his concerns me anymore.

I reached out and ran a hand lightly on his pale skin, it was cold to my touch but I didn't draw back. I felt the texture of his pale skin beneath my finger tips and gently memorized the feel of him.

He was just another human being, why would I ever care?

I hate him, I hate him, I hate him with everything I got.

How come that felt familiar, it was as though I heard it before. I looked down and my hands were trembling. I slowly pulled back and lifted my hand to my lips. I could still faintly smell him on my finger tips but yet everything was laced with a hint of death.

000

I sat up in bed gasping for air. My long hair stuck to my skin with a thin layer of cold sweat. I lifted a hand to my mouth to silence the short gasps emitting from my lips. My heart was pounding in my ear and I felt sick to my stomach.

He can't be dead.

He just can't.

My breathing came out erratic, I placed a hand on my chest and I could feel as each pounding of my heart echoed through my palm. I leaned back and rested against the wall, I heard the springs squeaked underneath my weight. My room was an empty vault of darkness, an endless spiral of the color black. No light seeped from the hallway through the crack at the bottom of my door and my thick black curtains was a barrier to the darkened sky outside.

It didn't matter to me whether he was dead or not. Maybe it should even be good that he is dead. But how come I felt so much pain grip at my chest the moment I opened my eyes?

I looked down, my hands still trembled. I sighed with frustration as I buried my face into my hands, hair splayed around my frame.

He is a liar with many masks; he doesn't feel for him like I felt for him. When he first left, I gave up and never looked back but then he just had to come back. And then everything was out of my control. He broke down everything I believed in. I can no longer trust the things that I thought was true.

Was my hate really just as simple as words?

But then why would I ever want to love when losing hurt so much?

It didn't make sense and I simply didn't understand.

000

Last night a dream took over my mind.

I dreamt that he died.

And I almost lost my mind.

Fingers cold and cheeks no longer that shade of pale pink. His body was limp against my hold and he no longer gripped back. His long legs stretched out and he laid there, his chest no longer rise up and falls down, he laid there motionless like a porcelain doll.

I remembered that my hands shook at my side and then heated tears rolled down my cheek. My gaze blurred and all I saw were dark shades all blended together, but in the dark mess I saw him standing there in the background, gently smiling at me.

I rubbed at the tears and searched for any hint of him but all I saw was that soulless shell spread out before me.

I woke up in haste and realized that cold sweat has covered my body, it was a horrible experience. But the dream was so realistic that it took me by surprise. I gripped the sheets hard but not even did that help to stop the shaking of my hand.

But a dream was only a dream.

An illusion to confuse the mind, I knew that he was still here and so my heart slowed down even if it was just by a little bit.

000

He reached out and brushed away the curtains from the dusty panes of glass. His room was of the musty rain, a unique smell that only London could bring. Last night the rain has fallen and he realized it was just the start of spring. He pressed his hand on to the window and rubbed at the grim and dirt.

A clear patch was revealed and he could once again see through it. The grounds were moist and the sun was about to rise over the thick trees, he could still see the glistening of the dew on the fresh green grass. And then a tint of blood red caught his eyes, it was so oddly placed in the mass of green.

April showers bring May flowers.

The rain has fallen and the flowers have grown.

But nothing has changed during the course of the night and everything was just as dreary as the freezing winter mornings. Waking up with an empty bed and knowing that the white sheets are still cold from the lack of body warmth.

He watched as the sun rose over the thick mob of trees, catching the very last details with icy cold orbs. He weaved a hand through his long stringy hair just as the sun was at its peak, shining glimmers on to the ground.

If he didn't go now, his pride would have never let him live it down.

000

_Open the cage door and set the young bird free, let it fly away to where its heart desired._

That's what the red head thought as he thinly smiled in the white infirmary. He cracked open the very same book he finished again last night, Allen had been very thoughtful and brought him some books from the library. But unknown to the young teen, Rabi had long since finished all the books in the Order's library. He thought back to those cloudless days where he would disappear for hours at a time to enjoy a few books out in the natural surroundings.

_The light summer winds would ruffle his flaming red hair and he would sit there till the skies dimmed. And then he would slowly make his way back to the Order with a merry grin on his face. And just when he enters the cafeteria he would be bombarded by the other members of the Black Order asking him where he was._

_But he would only laugh and tell them that it was a secret before skipping off to grab a bite to eat._

_It was on another one of his reading breaks that he accidentally discovered Yuu's training grounds. His eye has gotten tired from the three continuous hours of reading and so he got up from his usual place and started to walk around. He followed a narrow path paved with roots of the surrounding trees, the light gotten dimmer as the farther he walked into the thick green trees._

_The heavy smell of past sessions of rain was still captured in the air; with each step he took he stepped deeper into the forest. He gripped the book in his hand tighter as he slowly navigated his way through the narrow gaps between the trees. He was slowly regretting the choice of taking a walk; he couldn't even see the tower from where he was. _

_And then he stumbled through more trees before falling on to a flat barren surface. He slowly caught his breath as he took a look around. There standing in the middle was Yuu. The red head blinked before grinning. "Yuu! Nice to see you here."_

_Kanda blinked too before registering that it was in fact Rabi who stumbled through the trees to get here. He raised an eyebrow before asking. "What are you doing here?"_

"_Well…" Rabi scratched the back of his head before laughing carelessly. "I was looking for a place to read?"_

_He held up the book in his hand with a light shrug. Kanda slowly nodded as he slipped the blindfold back on. He stood in readied position as he raised Mugen up to his eye level._

_But before he started Rabi called out. "Yuu. Can I stay?" _

"_I don't own this place." He carelessly shrugged before swinging his blade swiftly to the side._

_Rabi happily grinned to himself as he looked around, taking in the roots covered grounds but other wise bare landscape. He settled on a thick root by the edge of Yuu's training grounds, sitting down he flipped back to the page he doggy eared. For the rest of the afternoon he was absorbed into a world of fantasy._

_When he finally closed the book he has realized that the skies were darker than before and then he saw Yuu walking away with Mugen in hand._

_He quickly stood up and jogged after the other. "Yuu could have at least called me before leaving!"_

"_You were reading." He simply pointed out._

_Rabi pouted and slung a hand over the other's shoulders, he felt Yuu's body stiffened but otherwise he didn't do anything. Didn't yell at him to move away or threatened him with Mugen, it seems that he over-exhausted himself today._

"_Yuu, is this where you always train?" He asked with curiosity laced in his voice. Kanda responded with a small nod as he led the way back to the Order. Rabi could now see the gray stone building against the darkening skies._

"_Do you mind if I came back tomorrow?" Rabi tilted his head to the side as he waited for the other's reactions._

"_Do as you like." Kanda coldly replied as he lightly shrugged off the arm from his shoulder. Rabi followed behind him, a gentle smile spread across his pale features, he didn't know why but he felt a small glow emit from where his heart should be._

The door creaked opened and he looked up from his book. "Allen back so soon—"

He froze as the person stepped into the room, his black shadow contrasted greatly in the snow white room. Rabi's eye widens and he whispered in disbelief.

"Yuu."

_But what if the bird's only desire was to remain in that caged prison?_

XXX Kuro

Was this bad? I really hope not… but I think that this chapter wasn't written as well as the other ones! Also the mood of this story is kind of uncertain right now, I am a little confuse at where I could go next with this story. Give me some suggestions if you have any (please!). XD Review?


	8. Break Down the Wall

I feel bad for taking so long to update! I was actually very busy with Yuu-chan's b-day fic and other stuff. (Excuses, excuses.) But I think this is all I can squeeze in before my exams are here XD It's a little longer than previous chapters though! –bows- I don't own DGM.

XXX

**Break Down the Wall**

XXX

He swallowed the lump in his throat and finally got over the shock. He asked with a raspy voice, still quite uncertain. "…Why are you here?"

"Ask Komui, I had nothing to do with it." He looked away with a small shrug of his frail shoulders.

"Alright then." Silence resumed in the room and they no longer knew what they could do. How could Yuu ever had anything to do with it, he would never volunteer to take care of him not even when they used to be lovers. Why would he start now?

"Well, how long are you going to be staying here?" Rabi wondered, he didn't know how long he could stay in this state with Yuu so close to him.

"Until you can take care of yourself." He replied with only what was necessary, voice still strained.

"Now I wish I had your healing powers." Rabi absentmindedly commented.

"Am I really that bad to have around?" Kanda asked, his voice a lot softer than before.

"What?" Rabi looked up, placing a hand to his lips, realizing now what he had said. "I don't mean it that way, Yuu."

"No… of course you don't." Kanda sat down, gaze kept to the ground. "You never meant what you said. Why would it be any different now?"

Rabi didn't understand why Yuu was putting him in this situation. Yuu hated him, he even said it himself, and Yuu for one never lied, unlike him. But why did Yuu let him call him by his given name? He didn't yell at him or get angry; he merely let him get away with it.

Did he no longer care?

It was scarier then being threatened by Mugen.

"I don't get it." He lightly murmured. He took a deep breath before saying those words that tasted strange on his tongue. "Don't you hate me?"

"I said it once, didn't I?" Kanda's tone of voice gave nothing away; Rabi observant skills couldn't even catch any more slips.

"Yeah, I guess you did." And then his voice died away, their conversation shriveled to an end and neither of them spoke for the rest of the morning.

000

When you are afraid to love, you are afraid to hate.

So you walk around in circles and nothing could ever be changed.

You wait for a hand to pull you out from that cycle, but you wait and you wait and yet no one ever comes. So day by day your hope slowly rot away until you expect nothing of this world and you just lie down, awaiting death. But death doesn't come good for those who wish for it, death along with love and fate; they were all on the same line.

And all because you were too scared to take the first step forward.

Foolish love was a dead end's love, and those fools of lovers were nothing more than heading for disasters. Call them fools but they were only blinded by a four letter word that they thought could save them from anything.

It was loved that killed them and left them drowning in the water.

But maybe it was love that could save them once more.

000

"Why did you do that?" Rinali asked with an unstable glint in her eyes. She gripped her brother's arms with intense force, leaving behind red hand prints that stained his once pale arm.

"Rinali, don't you trust me?" Komui calmly replied.

"Ye-yes, yes I do. But this is none of our business; we are going to make it worse." Her voice sounded desperate and even a little pleading. "I have a feeling that something wrong has happened already, I don't think this could have been the best move we should have done."

"I want to help them too." Komui looked at her, sad eyes behind his frameless glasses. "I can't stand Kanda being more of an ass than he is already and Rabi with that depressing mood of his just isn't going to pass for Rabi here."

"We know it as well as they do." Komui gave her a small smile; she gave him a forced one in return, uncertainty still brewing in her eyes. "Nothing is going to be changed if none of them takes a step forward."

Rinali gave a deep sigh and let go of his arm with an apologetic look on her face. "I really hope you are right."

"We did the most that we could; don't think too much about it." Komui rubbed her hair in a soothing manner and with another one of his grin he asked. "Another cup of coffee?"

Yoshi's tongue stuck out at her face as she took a hold of her brother's favorite cup. She nodded and replied. "Right away!"

000

I still remember your kisses and your smiles and your tears. You were still in my memories and my dreams, my everything.

I can't say I love you because love has too much that we can never share once more. I loved you once, yes I really did. But we were young and naïve. I looked at you and you looked the same, but you have gotten just a little taller and your eyes seem to be grimmer. The taste of death was on your tongue and I knew that the war wasn't close to the end.

You will die in the war and I will watch with solemnly silence as you fall to the ground. Where is my heart? Where is my heart? I wish I could say that it was gone.

But I couldn't because it was still here, after so many nights of missing you, after so many emotionless nights of finally becoming a Bookman. I was still Rabi and I loved you once with all my heart, the heart that I thought was missing till now.

I could feel it in your fears, I will watch as it all happens, the lotus in the hourglass. It will crumble into shards of sand and glass. And your life would be over and I would still be Junior. How come things had to be like this? I never wanted things to end like this.

A heart break and then a thousand nights and days of heart aches. What a tragic thing it was to be in love.

But with each day I saw time slowly wash it away. Bit by bit, my love was mellowed out by the ticking of the hands. I remember and I forget, but the history will not change and you were still once loved by Rabi and me of all people.

I can never forget the feeling to be in love, to be loved by another. It was like a warm glow where your heart should be. It was me, I have fallen hard for you and I don't know how to pull myself out. You gave me hate and I was able to leave but here you come, you stride in here again with confidence and not a speck of fears.

How do you do it? After so many nights of pain, how could you still stand up just so I can knock you down once more?

000

He pulled the quilt closer to his body as the other settled into a chair. They didn't look at each other and no words were exchanged, they said what they needed. Nothing can be done as they slowly watched time pass by.

Rabi looked down at his book; words covered the page in an organized manner. But no matter how enjoyable it once was, they were just ink on a page now, nothing more and definitely nothing less. The empty words swam around in his mind but he couldn't take a grasp of any one of them, their meanings drifted away and he was left with nothing but more ink to a jar.

Kanda sat in the chair and waited, listening to the sounds of the other as he flipped each page. What was so interesting? Aren't they just pages covered with words, weren't they just ink? Ink didn't mean anything to the other; ink was black sticky material that he will use one day to mark his insignificant death. And so he continued to sit there, waiting till it was time to get up and make his way back to his room.

Where was the dark when you need it? When was the sun going to go down and dim the air around them? The day is young and nothing is about to change because time won't past by any faster, but neither will it slow down for anyone. Time favors no side; it was mutual like how a Bookman should be.

The silence was enough to suffocate anyone, the two occupants weren't used to it but none of them knew what to do and so they kept to themselves and the rest of the morning drawn on until the sun reached its highest point. The shadows all disappeared and the sun was straight ahead.

"Yuu," he started and the other looked up with half-lidded eyes. "There is a bed right here; it's alright if you lay on it for a while."

Kanda shook his head with little force before opening his eyes fully and looking up in a daze. "…what did you say?"

"I was just saying that there is a bed right here, no one would mind if you lie down for a while." Rabi raised a finger and pointed to the twin bed that was right next to his, these infirmary rooms were set up with two beds each and a small bathroom at the side.

"I am fine…" He waved it off as he stood up; he glanced up at the clock. "Shit, it's already three."

Rabi closed his book and nodded. "It's amazing how fast time past by."

"I will be back." He walked towards the door.

"One question before you leave." Rabi sat up, ignoring the pain that shot up his arm at the motion.

"What?" He replied.

"Did you sleep well last night?" The red head asked, a serious tone laced his voice. His hand trembled at his side as a wave of fear washed over him like how it happened last night.

"Yeah, I slept perfectly fine." He replied, dismissing his thoughts of the dream, or rather the nightmare that still echoed in his mind.

Rabi didn't reply verbally just nodded to himself as the Japanese slips out the door.

000

You are suffocating me, I can hardly breathe. Your scent it makes me dizzy, I smell you, I feel you, I taste you on the tip of my tongue, it is as though I have become you. But yet I still don't have you.

So loosen your arms around me, I won't leave, I can never go. Don't worry; everything will be alright because we are still holding on even if it is by a thread.

Don't let go of me, I can't loose everything I depended on. Hold on tightly and we will take the fall together.

A dose of you is enough to keep me alive, so don't leave yet, I am simply just not ready.

000

A weak knock sounded at the door, Rabi looked up from his slight doze and muttered a small 'come in.' He blinked the sleep from his eye and waited as the door opened.

It couldn't be Yuu, he just left a few minutes ago and it's not like he hoped that it was Yuu coming back so soon. No, he didn't care where he was going; he never even wanted to be here in the first place. No point in trapping him somewhere he hated, with someone he hated. He paused as he shook the thoughts from his head just as the two visitors walked in.

"Hey Allen, hey Rinali." He lightly called out to them as they walked in, suspiciously looking around. Rabi raised an eyebrow as they took a seat, Allen on his bed and Rinali on the chair Yuu previously sat in.

"Rabi, how are you feeling?" The younger teen asked with a bright smile on his face as he swung his legs back and forth.

"Just fine, better than before even." He gave a light shrug of his shoulders as he narrowed his eye at him, but Allen didn't slip behind his smiling poker face. And Rabi just continued to observe them as they displayed this seemingly normal façade.

"You are doing well right?" Rinali asked, concern written all over her face. Rabi just nodded as an answer, still not sure of his friends' intentions.

"So where is Kanda?" Allen pretended to look around.

"Out." Rabi replied truthfully, he knew he could trust them. He didn't need to lie, when they find out whatever they wanted they would leave him alone. But he didn't need the interrogation they were planning to give him now.

"You mean he didn't tell you where he went?" Allen voiced the question but it was obvious that they both had it in mind as Rinali snapped her head up and stared at the red head attentively as if trying to catch any bit of emotions that may have flitted across his emerald orb.

Rabi casually replied the question as if this was an everyday conversation. "Why would he?"

"But he is Kanda…" Allen looked down, in deep thoughts.

"He is Yuu, that's why he won't tell anyone." Rabi decided to offer a little bit of advice, it was true. Even before, Kanda Yuu would have never said anything that was unnecessary.

"Fine, is there any progress then?" Allen reached up and ran a hand through his hair as if he was the one with the problems.

"What do you mean?" Rabi furrowed his brows and frowned slightly, he really didn't want to be interrogated one question at a time. He knew where they wanted to bring him. "Rinali, Allen, can't we just drop this?"

"No." Allen replied, Rabi blinked at the bitterness that laced the undertone of his voice.

"I can't watch you two like this anymore," he shook his head. "Doesn't it hurt?"

"I don't understand what you are talking about." Rabi regarded the two of them with an even gaze. "I am the Bookman apprentice, I have no heart. How many times do I have to tell you?"

"Rabi, stop lying for once would you?" Allen stood up from the bed and glared at the red head.

"I am not lying; I am just telling you the truth." He could see from the corner of his eye as Rinali bit at her bottom lip, she hated seeing any of them fight but this time even she opted to stay out. Was it worth getting into a spat with Allen now? He didn't have an answer.

"There is no truth in that and you know it." He crossed his arms over his chest.

"Allen, I know perfectly well what I am talking about, I think I understand myself better than you may." Rabi replied, voice equally bitter. _Sorry Allen, I just can't get hurt again. _

"Do what you like, but please never betray who you really are." Allen walked out of the room.

"Allen!" Rinali called out after him as she stood up in haste. Rabi whispered his name quietly under his breath. He knew what his friend warned him about, he was Rabi, he has really became Rabi, he seen it since the very beginning. He knew the consequences; he knew the mistakes that they were going to make. But he never tried to stop it.

Why? He had no answers.

There was a moment of silence between the two of them until Rinali asked with a quiet voice. "Is there hope?"

"Hope for what?" Rabi gave a small laughter hoping she would let him go.

Rinali looked up and gave him a small glare. "Can't you two see what a mess the two of you are right now?"

"What do you mean?" Rabi looked at her, confusion swirled in his orb, but he knew what she was saying, he could feel it too.

"I think we are perfectly fine." A cold smooth voice interrupted their conversation, Rabi was relieved, he didn't need to look up because he has memorized every tone this voice could have a long time ago.

000

What a mess.

Love is too crazy for us.

Our minds worked on a gear.

Now it crashes to the bottom and we are lost at what to do.

Take my hand and hold on.

We will make it work.

000

"Thanks for getting me out."

"It doesn't only affect you, it affects me too." That is his way of saying you are welcome.

Kanda placed a bowl on Rabi's lap. The red head looked up in surprise as he handed him a spoon.

"You haven't eaten." He simply stated before sitting back on to the chair.

Rabi's voice didn't seem to be functioning very well today. He choked and coughed before gasping out a quiet "thanks."

Kanda curtly nodded as he crossed his arms over his chest. They didn't speak of the interrogation from Rinali and Allen. And Rabi was grateful, he wasn't ready to talk about his feelings, it was much too early.

"Jerry's cooking seems kind of different today." Rabi remarked as he tasted the warm soup on his tongue. It was a little saltier, maybe his hand slipped and he dropped a bit too much salt into the soup, it just didn't feel as perfect as Jerry's cooking should be.

"Jerry didn't cook it." Kanda replied, averting his gaze now. Rabi's gave his a puzzled look, but who else could cook besides Jerry? Did the Order get another cook during the time he stayed in the infirmary? If they did, he would have surely heard about it from Allen by now.

"I did."

Rabi blinked before letting out a small surprised word. "Yuu?"

"I couldn't find Jerry anywhere, so I cooked it myself." He quickly explained himself, his hand unconsciously found its way into his hair. He twirled a long strand of black; Rabi remembered it was one of those rare motions that Yuu would have when he is embarrassed.

He let a small smile display over his pale features before nodding. "It tastes really good, Yuu."

Kanda didn't reply, just nodded before looking back to the ground, fingers still curling and uncurling his strands of ebony. Rabi placed the heated spoon into his mouth and let the warm liquid slowly slide down his throat. It didn't seem as salty as before, in fact he tasted a warm sugary taste in the back of his throat.

"Are we really a mess?" His soft voice surprised the other occupant in the room. Rabi looked up and stared in question at the Japanese.

He repeated. "Are we really a mess?"

Rabi countered. "Can you say I hate you again?"

"Yes." Kanda replied before he thought about it, but Rabi saw the small flicker of emotion across his icy blue eyes and Rabi knows now.

"Never knew you lied too." He placed the finished bowl of soup on to the side table.

"I started lying when you started to tell the truth." He retorted, letting his hand fall from his hair.

"But facts never lie." It was the typical Bookman words. Rabi knew its meanings by heart, he knew it but he only believed them to a certain extent

"I am not a fact, _Rabi_." He tasted the other's name on his tongue again, it felt foreign but it brought back a taste of the times in the past. The name brought back the memories he tried to stuff under a pillow, it brought back everything he tried to hide from.

"I know." The red head gave a lopsided grin towards the other.

000

"_Goodbye Rabi."_

No, it should have been see you.

"_Goodbye Rabi."_

They should have both known it was only the beginning.

000

_Rabi, I hate you. __－__Yuu_

He should have just let him go without anymore feelings of regret and remorse, maybe then he would have never remembered.

000

He should have locked the door and barricaded it; didn't he want no one to trespass into his deepest secrets?

_He placed a hand on the doorknob, it was unlocked._

Maybe he should have never walked in there in the first place.

000

"_Then why did you say you love me forever?"_

Maybe he should have lied and said, 'I was simply lying.'

But he replied with the truth. _"Because I will."_

000

"_Yes, I hate you with everything I got."_

He finally snapped and freedom was showered upon the two.

But none of them took it; they stayed to fall to their destruction in the name of love.

000

Our mistakes slowly built up; one by one it stacked higher and higher until we could no longer see one another.

000

The curtains were drawn and the darkness surrounded them in a deafening grip. He listened to the gentle rhythmic breathing of the other while the other kept as still as possible trying to pass off as asleep in the chair.

He raised a hand to the ceiling, stretching out his good arm into the darkness above; his red hair tangled themselves on his pillow. He released a long breath and as he blinked back at the darkness he tiredly peeled back the eye patch from his right eye.

"Yuu?" His voice sounded like a haunted echo in the silent room.

There was no reply for a few moments until a gentle crackle of the chair leg against the floor was heard, he sat up, opening his eyes in the process. He blinked at the dark before quietly murmuring a single syllable. "What?"

"Loving you is hard." Rabi's voice sounded strong and bold in the empty room.

This time his voice mirrored Rabi's. "Hating you is too."

And then there was nothing else that needed to be said because at that moment in the dark, the wall was knocked down and they saw through everything with the clearest of perspectives.

XXX Kuro

This chapter is steering the story to the end. I promise this story won't have a sad ending, but I don't think I can guarantee this story to have a happy fluffy ending either. :P But don't worry I will try to make it as happy as I can. I wanted to throw in Rabi eating something made by Yuu… ;D Want to review this long awaited chapter? I hope it satisfied everyone!


	9. Past Against the Future

Please don't throw rocks at me for updating almost 3 weeks since the last… (fetal position) I had all these little clips in my head but I just didn't know how I could connect them together. But well… here is chapter 9 of Caught Up! (Even though I think this chapter was even worst than the last...) I don't own XP

XXX

**Past Against the Future**

XXX

There was that person, standing at the edge of the cliff again.

They didn't turn back but he knew who it was. The gentle silhouette and that kind smile was embedded in is mind, he can't forget, he can never forget because these moments were precious in a time like this.

And then that person jumped, disappearing into the foggy mist. He reached out but it was too late, gone, like a magic trick they have gone missing. With a snap of your fingers and some sprinkle of magic dust, they were gone but he wasn't one to fall for illusions because he himself had six of them.

Rewind and then replay, it was the same.

Over and over again, he remembered all the details.

But he never truly understood what happened, not at least until it was too late.

The dull color of the moon blending into the darkening night, he looked out; icy blue eyes glistened with tears that haven't fell. The moon wavered in the mist, its light never gave enough glow for him to find that person.

His clutched at the edge of the rocks; each jagged point dug into his fingers, drawing blood to the surface. He looked down; it was a continuous stretch of black, even darker than the ebony of his hair. He smelled the fresh dew that was ready to fall.

His vision was blurring but his tears never fell because he vowed to never ever cry, of all the people in the world that he will come to know, he will never ever cry for that person.

Not now and certainly not ever.

000

He sat up quietly, black and white clothes rustling in the silent room. He looked up and blinked, trying to get rid of the sleepiness from his tired blue eyes. Tucking a few stray strands from his face he stood up in the room.

It was that dream again, the pale mist from the dream clouded his head.

At least that dream was better than the other he had. His breath hitched just remembering it. The dream where _he_ laid crumbled on the ground, not breathing and certainly not alive.

Looking around, he saw the mere glow from behind the curtains, it wasn't morning just yet but night was drawing to an end.

And then his gaze stopped on the still form underneath the thin white sheets. The expression he usually wore on his face was wiped off, his cheeks were pale and droplets of sweat rolled down his forehead.

"Rabi…" He watched as the other jerked suddenly in his sleep. His brows were furrowed in concentration at something, most likely a nightmare. Kanda reached out, his finger tips touched the limp ends of the red head's fiery strands before he quickly pulled back, it was as though a fire has licked at his skin.

His chest heaved a deep breath before he quietly let it out; turning his whole body he flipped to the side. A sharp pain emitted from his ankle before his eye snapped open in a wide green.

"Hurts?" Kanda quietly commented as Rabi slowly sat up in a pained daze.

"You could have warned me." Rabi snapped his head to look at the Japanese, standing there, a slightly amused smirk on his face.

"You were asleep." Rabi stared at him, annoyed despite the pain still gnawing at his foot.

"Where are the painkillers?" He asked, carefully he lifted the white sheets off, staring down at his body, he finally gotten a good view of what happened.

The last time he took a look at it was before the nurse put the bandages over, securing his ankle. Then the bone was in a really awkward position, it jutted out in an angle that really shouldn't be at. The first time he saw it, he had to look away.

But now only a ring of ugly purple green bruise circled one of his ankle, the nurses has came in and taken off the bandages that secured his twisted ankle before Kanda came back, saying it would be fine if he just laid off it for a while. Travelling up his legs, cuts and minor bruises decorated his skin.

And then his single eye landed on the cast that was still over his arm, the arm that he write his logs with. He then realized that he hasn't seen the old man for a few days already. Curiosity got the better of him and he asked with interest as he watched Kanda rummaged through the shelves in the room, looking for anything that could be painkillers.

"Where is Panda?"

"You mean the Bookman?" Kanda didn't turn around, just kept on looking at the multiple labels stuck on to the identical looking jars.

"Yeah." Rabi nodded despite the others turned back.

"Mission." Kanda replied as he rattled a jar of what hopefully should be painkillers making sure there was actually something in there.

"Do you know where?" Rabi answered, watching the other look through the medicine shelves; maybe it would be safer to read the label before chewing down the pills Yuu handed him.

"Germany or India." He turned around and tossed the jar towards the red head. He attempted to catch it with his good hand. But the jar slipped from his grip and clattered to the ground.

"You know there is quite a distance between Germany and India?" Rabi watched as Yuu closed the cabinet doors and made his way towards the fallen jar of painkillers.

"Who really cares?" Kanda glared lightly as he bent down, fingers wrapping around the white jar, he placed it in Rabi's palm this time.

Rabi carefully ran his eye over the tiny scribbles of directions on the jar before popping the cap off. Kanda watched with little interest but he didn't leave, just stood there and stared before he slowly asked.

"Does it hurt that much?"

"You heal fast, I don't, Yuu." Rabi slipped a couple of white pills in between his lips.

"But I still feel pain." He commented lightly.

"We all do." Rabi could only faintly smile at how true his comment could get.

000

_He pounded at the door, angry and annoyed but persistent to see the other's face again. His palm met the coarse texture of the wood, he banged and he shouted, willing the other to come out._

"_Yuu! Tell me you hate me!" His voice burned at the back of his throat, the volume licked like flames on his tongue. And the words made him feel the desperation again and again._

_He tried the door; it was locked from the inside. His eye widen a little at that. He never knew Yuu would go as far as locking it. His hand paused on the cool surface of the knob. He closed his eye and took a deep breath, willing himself to remain calm and not simply activate his innocence and break the door down._

_He felt his heart wrenched._

_Yuu never locked his door, never. No matter how angry at the other he was, he never locked the door. Not even once did he lock it. He expected people to understand and stay away, most of them did anyways. But he never expected him to walk over, he never expected him to turn the knob, and most of all he never expected him of all people to walk so boldly into his room._

_He did it over and over again; he walked into the other's secluded area and sat down with a grin on his face._

_He expected Yuu to lock the door then, but he didn't know Yuu and Yuu didn't know him back then. But now he knew and now he understands how much it meant when Yuu locked the door between them._

"_Why won't you just say you hate me?" This time he gently whispered, knowing the other had an acute sense of hearing. His voice came out so much softer than he intended, he sounded so pathetic. His single eye found its way to the ground._

"_You wrote it once on a piece of paper, why won't you say it out loud to me?" He let out another soft question; Yuu just didn't seem to understand how much he wanted an answer, how bad he wanted him to say no._

"_Respond damnit! I know you can hear me." He kicked the door, biting his bottom lip._

"_Leave me alone!" He wanted to leave him alone, he really wanted. But how could he when every time he closed his eye, all he saw was Yuu. A shining lock of ebony cascading down his back, that frown on his delicate face, those eerie icy blue eyes. He couldn't forget and he couldn't stop feeling for him._

_Sometimes he thought meeting Yuu was the worst thing fate has planned for him. And then he sees the rude Japanese once more and all thoughts parish and only Yuu fills his head. Is it love or is it an obsession? It scares him sometimes when all he sees in his mind was Yuu, over and over again._

"_Tell me you hate me!" Shouting it, the volume of his vocals burned his tongue once again. He glared at the door, last string drawing to the thinnest. And then he repeated with equal amount of intensity. "Tell me you hate me!"_

_And then that crash sounded out from behind the door, he paused and backed away form the door. His red locks fell to his face as the door was yanked open._

_And he was standing there again, hair mussed and untie, his eyes seemed empty and colder than normal. But he was eerily calm._

_Rabi parted his lips and asked with a quiet voice; as if he was afraid this delicate balance would topple over and clatter to the ground. "Do you hate me?"_

"_Yes, I hate you with everything I got."_

_And then he turned around and closed the door, he didn't lock the door this time, Rabi heard it nice and clear as his calm voice echoed in his head. His green eye dulled and no longer shined like it used to, it was a dark green, void of emotions, it was another Bookman eye. _

_You are the reason I am alive and you make me want to die._

_That really hurts, Yuu._

000

Some people can keep walking on in life and never turn back.

While some of us were meant to stay in place but hope never dies and we wait here for someone to reach out or simply pull us away from our memories.

Because we all wish for a salvation we can never have.

But our histories are bounded to us by blood, by curse or by thin strings of words.

He wanted to save him from their history; he reached out and grabbed a hold of his hand.

And then he was pulled down too.

Now they fall, spiraling to the bottom where darkness hugs them close to its beating heart.

000

"Here you go." He heaved a huge stack of loose leaf papers into the office. He heard a light groan before peeking out from behind the high piles of papers in his arms.

"Will it ever end Riba?" He heard the phone click into place.

"Not at the rate you are slacking off…" He muttered with a roll of his eyes as he placed the pile neatly on the other's otherwise messy desk.

"It's not slacking off," he defended, pushing his glasses further up on the bridge of his nose. "I was merely talking about important business with the Bookman."

"Sure, whatever you say." Riba took a look around the piles of files that Komui still haven't read over.

"By the way, did you tell Bookman about Rabi's accident?" He asked out of curiosity, he just happened to have heard the details from Rinali as she was passing out the coffees. Not many people know of what exactly happened but they had an idea that he was hurt.

But it wasn't like much people known of the past between Rabi and Kanda, the two of them kept a rather low profile. Only a few of them knew about it and those that knew remained silent about it, knowing it would cause bodily harm otherwise.

"I mentioned it but he didn't seem surprised." Komui thought back to their conversation. And then he shrugged. "I think he knew what Rabi planned to do anyways."

"That's the Bookman for you." He turned to leave but Komui called him back, asking him a question definitely worth thinking about.

"You think they will get back together?"

"I think it is entirely up to them."

000

A pause, a little time to think back.

Do you still remember the wall we build around each other?

The tall wall that loomed ahead.

It's time to rewrite the history, cover up our mistakes with a scribble here and a little erasing there.

Take a pen and start writing, we got plenty we must fix.

The cold gray bricks have been knocked down one by one.

Are you willing to come back in?

000

"Are you leaving again, Yuu?" Rabi lay back down, he heard the door open slightly, the creaking of the rusty hinges was unmistakable.

"Yeah." He didn't move, but his hand gripped the handle tighter.

"I will see you again, before I leave the infirmary right?" He lifted his head; his single emerald eye caught the glimpse of his long black hair as he slipped through the door.

"What do you think… baka." It came out so much quieter than he expected, but he could feel as the red head lay back down, content sign escaped his lips before his eye lid slide shut.

"Good." He quietly murmured as the door was shut.

000

When will our history repeat?

I am waiting and waiting for you to speak.

Tell me the truth, I saw past your lies.

000

His heart pounded in his chest.

How long has it been? He could barely keep his facts straight.

His head swam with scribbles of the past, his smiles, his grins, his flaming hair in the dark. He could hear the intense beating of his heart in his ears, blood pulsing through his veins and it took him everything to keep himself from falling to the ground.

He was so overwhelmed but he remained stoic, eyes cold and indifferent to the rest of the world. He had to keep it under control before he bends and breaks.

By then it would be too late.

But he has it in his hands, he has it secured.

He refused to let go right now. It has been a long way since he walked to this point.

000

_Don't make a mess of history._

His voice startled my brain; it has been a while since I heard from him.

_You aren't worthy, you know?_

It was the infamous Bookman Junior, sneering inside my mind once again, hoping to pull me back to the Bookman's side.

_Rabi, Rabi, Rabi. That dreaded 49__th__ life you have._

That's my name, Rabi, Rabi, Rabi, that's the name I go by now. My 49th life, their names came and past by me at a speed so fast. I didn't have a clue at who I was till now.

_I can't believe you passed._

Another snide remark, I saw the other's let down red hair. The graying clothes he had on and that emotionless face that can no longer mirror mine's.

_Leave the recording to me now and go back to your little lover boy with the doll like face._

Thick ink dripped from above, the black stained his cheek like tears would have. Junior walked closer, his pen in hand, he was crying black tears.

_You don't deserve to become the next Bookman._

The point of his pen touched my cheek; Junior's twisted smile loomed into view. He applied pressure and the pen dug into my skin. The searing pain took over my mind, it invaded from all sides.

_A heartless, soulless man with only one reason to be alive. We are the next generation of the Bookmen. And look at what you did?_

The malicious voice of Junior curled its tune in my head, pounding away at the sides of my skull wanting freedom. But now he dropped the pen, the ink was no longer black, it was a crimson red that dripped from the ceiling and seeped in from the corners. My blood bubbled from the single word etched on my face.

'Rabi' was dripping in blood.

_We live for history._

Rabi, the 49th alias has outlived them all, all those past names, now forgotten in time. They pounded at the sheets that marked their deaths. They wanted to feel the sunshine on their skin; they wanted to be alive once again.

But Rabi no longer lived for history because I live for the future now.

_And here you are, Rabi, making a mess of our most beloved history._

000

He sat up suddenly; white sheets fluttered from his body and it slowly slide to the ground. It landed on the white tiled floor in a heap of crumpled mess. And then his mind registered his injuries, a sharp pain emitted from his arm before spreading a dull numbing pain all over, he let a small groan leave his lips before lying back on to the bed.

"Morning already…" He winced as the light from outside seeped through the curtains.

His bones ached but the dull pain was barely registered from the painkillers from earlier, it seems that they have finally kicked in.

But his mind clearly registered what happen early this morning, what happened in his dreams and most of all what happened last night, last night in the dark.

Where the light didn't matter and they saw through everything, lies and truth both accounted for.

000

He heard footsteps pounding on the thin tiles that padded the floor of the hallway. They were quiet and light, almost a melody in the dimly lit hall. Closer and closer each step inched them towards him.

He didn't need to look to know who it was.

"Kanda!" A small voice came up from behind him. He turned around and saw the younger exorcist staring back at him with wide brown eyes. She seemed to be tired, even a little out of breath. He stood and waited for her to speak.

"Where were you last night?" She looked up and asked.

But before he could reply, Rinali already cut him off by further explaining her fruitless searching the previous night. "I was looking for you everywhere last night, I knocked on your bedroom door but no one answered."

"I tried the door, it was unlocked but I didn't go in."

"I slept in Rabi's infirmary room last night." Kanda replied as if it was obvious.

"Oh." A single syllable that expressed all her feelings, she blinked mind slowly whirring into gear and working its way back to the subject at hand.

He turned to leave only to have her call back out, halting him in his steps.

"My brother wanted to talk to you," she started, overcoming her shock of the news.

"Is it a mission?" He looked back, icy blue eyes indifferent; it was still a clear blue that held no emotions.

"He didn't tell me but most likely." Rinali pondered following after the other as they made their way towards the science department. "But if you don't want to take it we would understand, I am sure Allen or I would gladly accept."

Kanda shook his head, knowing what they wanted. But his job as an exorcist would never let him live it down. He wasn't here to fall in love; he was here to take on these jobs and help take down the Earl.

"No, I will take it."

Rinali nodded, knowing Kanda wouldn't be one to back down from any jobs despite everything else that was going on through his mind.

"Hello Kanda, glad to see you again." Komui greeted from behind his mountain high stacks of papers. The other nodded before holding a hand out.

"Mission folder?"

"Right here!" He looked around his desk, paused then reached into a drawer before pulling out familiar shades of beige folders. He leafed through them, glancing into each one before picking out the right one he intended for Kanda.

"Here you go." He handed it over; he received a stern stare before Kanda took the folder from him.

"It's not very long, most likely around a week if not less." Komui leaned forward and glanced at the foul mood exorcist.

"Are you sure?" Kanda peered at his with a mistrusting look, he didn't forget about last time and how much longer it took for him to get back to a not so pleasant surprise.

"Yes, I am sure." Komui nodded, eyes averted from the other's stare. "The finder even said so, there was only a little bit of Akuma activity, whether there is an innocence there, we can't be sure but at most there will only be two level 2 Akumas."

"If it's any different, I will slice you." Kanda tossed the folder back to his desk and walked up to the door. "Have it prepared by tomorrow morning."

"No problem, Kanda."

000

He slipped under the covers, and lay down on the cold white sheets. He shivered lightly as he caught sight of the glimmering lotus in its glass case. And then he slide his eyes closed, willing himself to fall asleep.

The gentle hum of Mugen by his bed lured him into another unsteady dreamy state.

He remembered that person on the cliff and then they jump and he lost them for another time. He heard a light melodic laughter in the back of his mind as his curtains are thrown open and sunlight breaks the solid darkness in his room. His back would be facing him and his red hair would be shining brightly with the sun.

He turns around and his pale features would be a milky gold.

And then his mind would work its way through more vague memories and rest on those that etched themselves into his head. His blade glowed in the dark and slashed its way through the shadow like braches of the forest taken over by the night.

And then he paused when his blade dug into the bark of a tree, his deep breathing was the only sound that pounded in his head, his ragged breathing came out as white puffs of smoke in the chilly open air.

000

The night was young and filled with unknowns.

But don't think too much.

I think we have it under control.

000

The book slips from his hand and falls into his lap with a soft thud. His eye was long closed, a small snore proved him to be asleep. The lamp by him was still on, it glowed a dull yellow that illuminated his surroundings, giving all the white a pale beige tone.

His heavy breathing was quiet in the room.

He thought of the facts that rewrite itself in his mind. He dreamt of the smell of ink and the old parchments in his room, the flickering lamp that never really worked in Yuu's dark room.

And then he remembered the wavering candles that he has perched on his desk on late nights of jotting down logs. Only to wake up with his face pressed against the piece of paper, wet ink now stained his cheeks with his own words.

XXX Kuro

A calmer ending this time, everything is slowly coming together for them. (Am I rushing it though?)

_An important notice: the time sequence in this story is all wrong. _Also I never twisted my ankle, or broken any bone in my body, so I am just imagining how it would all look and feel. Btw, I don't know how long it will normally take for someone to heal the injuries Rabi has. (Don't blame please.)

Sorry if this story is getting worst and worst as the story furthers on... D: I feel that this piece wasn't done as well. But hope none of you will hate me for updating so late… OTZ Still want to review?


	10. Wisdom Beyond Our Years

It has been almost 4 weeks since my last update. OTZ I feel awful for making my readers wait so long. BUT! (this time it's a good but) This chapter is the longest of any I've ever written, in total it is 18 pages (at least in my view), the usual amount I write for this fic is about 12 pages per each chapter. So be proud! v

And on the good note, this time I am very happy with the outcome so the quality should be a lot better than last time's. Hope I won't disappoint anyone even further XD I don't own! (But I do own a tremendous RK love! v)

XXX

**Wisdom Beyond Our Years**

XXX

His footsteps echoed in the spiraling staircase. He felt the cold draft of the underground tunnel slowly drifting up. The light murmur of the Finders followed along as he continued to take each step down.

And then he heard footsteps, light small footsteps that were barely audible to most people. But Kanda heard it and he recognized who that it belonged to.

He looked down, blue eyes eerily calm, he knew what to expect next.

"Kanda Yuu." His name was said with a dry tone of acknowledgment as they came face to face on the narrow staircase.

"Bookman." He gave the old man a nod and proceeded to take another step. But Bookman was keen on telling him something; he could feel it in the old man's aura.

He didn't approve of him then and he wasn't about to approve of him now.

"You've ruined him."

Kanda's back was turned to the old man but he heard everything nice and clear, the narrow space amplified everything, it felt like a slap in the face. And then he replied, his voice sounded indifferent even in his own ears.

"He ruined me too."

"The two of you are destined to lead a tragic end." Bookman stated, his eyes were cold and hard, like black pearls. His words poetic despite their situation, it felt like an icy stab in the back.

"If you are going to disapprove of us, then you should have never brought him back." Kanda brushed a lock from his face; he stood there and did not move. His voice held a light tone of blame as he felt his wounds from the words heal abnormally slow.

Bookman replied evenly, he expected more heated words from the teen, but it never came and he responded with a calm posture. "He is already the Bookman, I approved of him, what he does now is not under my control."

A moment of silence, Bookman could hear as Kanda breathed in the spoken words, pulling it apart in his head to make sense of it all.

"Then what are _you_?" He didn't want to ask, he really didn't but curiosity still got the better of him. Bookman didn't need to turn around; his old face was adorned by a thin smile. "I am the first Bookman, he is just waiting until my ultimate death to move up in rank."

Kanda's eyes were fixed on the last step of the staircase, it wasn't far, it just wasn't close enough. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because you need to know what kind of life you two will have."

Was it because he cared, or was it because he didn't? He couldn't even tell. Kanda laughed, dryly, free of emotions. "I don't care."

"You should." The old Bookman replied, his voice light but stern.

"You may still be ruling Rabi's life but my life is in no hands of any Bookman." Absentmindedly Kanda ran a hand through his pony tail, feeling the strands of black as he spoke those words out loud, his other hand seemed to have tightened around the railing, knuckles now a pale shade of white.

"I just hope you keep to that."

Kanda didn't bother replying the man, and the two went their separate ways.

One up, one down until they could no longer hear each other's footsteps.

000

His mind was slipping, memories from before blended with visions of the future as he stepped off the last step. He could hear the waves streaming in the water tunnel; the quiet breaks as the small tides hit the gray bricks.

His eyes flitted around the dimly lit place; he waited as his vision slowly adjusted to the darkness in the corners.

A background noise as the bottom of his suitcase scratched roughly at the ground. In the back of his mind, he heard increasing loud whispers of voices, talking casual conversations that he could not catch.

The similar aroma of food, the noisy rumors swirling in place. It was the cafeteria as the colors meshed together in his blank blue eyes.

"_Hey Yuu!" He turned to scowl at the red head next to him, but what his eyes met wasn't the usual wide grin despite the cheery tone in his voice. What met his eyes was a solemn smile accompanied by a spark-less green orb._

_He finally over came the foreign look before muttering, half to himself and half to the Bookman Junior; even after knowing he wasn't listening. "Don't call me that." It was just a defensive mechanism that never really worked._

"_Hey Yuu," he started again; Kanda didn't need to turn to him to know he was deep in thoughts. _

_"Are we friends?"_

_He furrowed his brows, a look of concentration passed by his features before it turned stoic again. He frowned deeply and replied. "I don't have friends."_

"_Oh." Rabi didn't know what else to say, maybe it was the lack of response that made Kanda turned to face him._

_He curled a long strand of ebony hair around his finger as he asked, reluctance laced in his voice. Rabi came to realize that this action was out of embarrassment and or of nervousness but that was in the future. He asked, voice straining to be heard. "What do you want?"_

"_I want to be your friend." He said, the rehearsed words slipping off of his tongue, nice and clean._

_Kanda blinked, his frown deepened, he didn't understand this feeling that people had of making friends. He found them to be nothing but a nuisance but maybe it was just the fact that many people couldn't stand to be alone. "I don't need friends."_

_He was sure he was strong enough to handle it._

"_But would you mind if I were your friend?"_

_A pause of silence as Kanda searched through his mind for an answer that would satisfy the red headed Bookman Apprentice._

"_Whatever you do is none of my concern." _

_He dryly brushed him off before standing up. The crowded cafeteria made him feel suffocated with unnecessary stress and with the red head so close by, it didn't make him feel any more comfortable._

"_See you around, Yuu!" He cast a glance behind him, Rabi waved with a wide grin and his single eye was sparkling an emerald shade. Kanda resisted the upwards tugging of his lips; he didn't understand what this warm feeling beneath his curse could mean._

_He didn't know what would happen, brushing it off as his tiredness; he walked out of the busy cafeteria._

If he had known what that day could have led to, he would have pushed Rabi away, far far away.

But he didn't know and he didn't push Rabi away. In fact he pulled him closer.

Maybe that was their first mistake.

Maybe they should have never became friends in the first place.

000

Rabi brushed a stray bang from his eye as he flipped yet another page.

His eye ran along the words but he didn't bother to decipher them in his head, he merely scanned over it, tasting the ink of the words on the tip of his tongue.

His mind was concentrated somewhere else, it was still stuck at two o'clock last night.

His door was gently pushed open, Rabi kept his hand on the lamp, and he was just about to close it when his late night visitor came by.

"Hey Yuu." He gave a small wave with his fine hand.

He nodded, acknowledging the other's presence in the room. He didn't take a seat and Rabi didn't ask him to. The red head had a feeling this meeting was going to be short and brief.

He wasn't disappointed.

"I am leaving for a mission tomorrow morning." The words left his lips like a quiet whisper but they both heard it nice and clear.

Rabi nodded with a smile on his face. And then he asked, curiosity absent from his voice. "When will you be back?" He really wasn't too concern.

"In a week at most." He replied, this seemed like a standard procedure.

"Just remember what you promised me, Yuu." Rabi's smile then broadened into a grin.

Yuu's eyes flickered as his mind rotated back in time, to earlier today as the words and the scenery of this room played like a film in his head. And then he said, "I will be back before you get out."

"Just as you promised." He ran a hand through his hair, feeling the strands between his fingertips.

"It's late." He pointed out; it was his way of saying good night.

"I just finished the book." He motioned to a green covered book; silver writing was scrawled on the spine. "Good night."

Kanda didn't reply verbally, just grunted before quietly closing the door behind him just as Rabi clicked off the lights.

"Rabi!"

He looked up, emerald orb instantly cleared of the past. He saw Allen before an easy smile slipped to his lips.

"Morning." The younger teen greeted as he handed over a bowl of soup made by Jerry.

"Thanks." He replied, taking the warm bowl in his hand.

"How is the healing?" Allen leaned back into the chair before asking, feeling the rubber as it dug into his back. His gray eyes looked over Rabi's blanket covered body.

"Nah, nothing big." He smiled, taking a taste of the perfectly stewed soup. "It's only my arm and the ankle, really."

He was indicating to his broken arm and twisted ankle. His arm was almost healed, surprisingly faster than his foot. Maybe it was just because Rabi couldn't resist the urge to stand up once in a while, only to fall back down to the ground, thus worsening his ankle once again.

"So…" Allen tried to strike up conversation again. "Are you and…"

He didn't know how to complete the sentence without sounding nosy.

"You want to ask about Kanda and I?" Rabi offered, taking another spoonful of warm soup into his mouth. It didn't taste as good as before; maybe it was just the image of Yuu cooking for him that made the previous bowl of soup taste extraordinarily sweeter.

Allen looked down, unable to meet his friend's gaze. But he nodded; curiosity always got the better of people these days.

"We are fine." That was the reply, short and simple but it was definitely not enough for Allen Walker.

"And?" He looked up and bored his gray eyes into Rabi's.

"We are talking." Allen didn't look away, he wanted more and Rabi could only supply him with more.

"He hasn't threaten me with Mugen since the accident yet."

Allen nodded, lifted his gaze from the red head, releasing him from his spell.

000

And then book by book.

Word by word.

The ink remained on the page, unmoved by the course of history.

Rabi knew he couldn't do that.

He doesn't even bother trying anymore.

Junior still comes out to pick a fight once in a while.

But he leaves before he could even trigger a pang of regret in Rabi.

His finger ran along the words, feeling the slight bumps of the printed letters, one by one.

A failure at love, a failure at History.

There was no point in his life.

Without Yuu, without the words.

There was no Rabi.

He held on to the memories, the letters, and each pain stricken word as History was slowly recorded in Rabi's emerald green eye.

And Junior just watches, silent, hands clamped over his mouth from behind the window of his soul.

000

"See you soon, Kanda." Rinali stood on the dock, handing him extra information that she knew he brother had forgotten to give him.

"Thanks." He muttered, taking the folder from the younger girl's hand.

"Be careful." She said, staring sternly into his eyes. Rinali was well aware of the curse on Kanda's life, she didn't help out the Science Department for nothing despite how everything seemed. "We are here waiting for your return."

What she wanted to say was Rabi is here waiting for you.

But she knows that Kanda isn't stupid, he knew the hint. He just didn't say anything about it. It was just so stereotypical of him.

"Whatever." He scowled and turned away from her.

"I got to go, please come back safely." Rinali started for the stairs as she waited for a reply. A small grunt and she took the steps up; it was all she needed to know that he would keep his promises.

The boat wobbled, promising uncertainties as Kanda stepped foot on to it. The dim lit lamps flickered on and off, illuminating the cobbled steps one minute and then plunging everything into darkness the next.

"Here we go, Mr. Exorcist." The Finder pushed off, the boat wavered in the water.

Kanda gave a nod, he didn't know whether the other saw him but he didn't care much for the Finder. His shadow melted into the dark and his eyes slid close with an inaudible sigh.

He could feel the slight wind from the damp tunnel; he could feel the warmth of the early morning sun as they inched closer and closer to the exit.

And then he heard Rinali's voice in his head.

_We are here waiting for your return._

He knew what she wanted to say; he knew what ran through her mind as she uttered those words. She wanted to say Rabi is here waiting.

She didn't let those words leave her lips though.

But action speaks louder than words.

He of all people should know this best.

He saw it in the way she handed him the folder, the exact way her fingers gripped at the fragile paper. The lightness in her steps as she slowly walked up those stairs, he could hear it, he could see it and he definitely knew it.

She simply reeked of everything that spoke those words.

And then the sunlight splashed on his cheeks, he didn't bother with staring down the sun because he knew, it was simply impossible.

000

Can you feel it?

The warm glow in your soul.

He walked by, his coat fluttered like wings behind him.

His head was held high, arrogance evident on his flawless features. A porcelain doll dripping with grace no human can ever forge. His long black hair was sleek with pride; it was impossible not to stare in awe in his presence.

I was no better.

The words were scrawled on to the yellowing pages; bit by bit his record was pieced together.

His gleaming sword was laced in blood on the morning battlefield. Each slice, each step, careful and precise. His mark never faltered, not even when death came brushing by, a smirk on its face, determined to bring him with it. He simply stared back, cold eyes unaffected. But I picked up the slightest sense of discomfort as I stepped too close to his personal space.

Interesting.

That was my first real impression of someone called Kanda Yuu.

I didn't know him till our first mission together. It was summer.

The blood shed during that hot and sticky mission was not worth mentioning; I cast it to the back of my head. I remembered it just as well as I remembered each detail on him but it was nowhere as important as the Japanese doll I picked up at the Order.

By the time we were on the train back, I've already noticed the strange tattoo on his chest. He doesn't offer any explanation; he didn't seem the type anyway. I joked and tried to coax it out of him but his sweet lips were firm and tightly sealed shut. The most I got from his pretty face was a glare and a grunt.

So I resorted to the power no young man of 15 had. I invited Junior out and Komui spilled it all, it was an interesting tale. No wonder he doesn't fear death, it truly was a tale of his eerily blue eyes and his unbreakable body, now I understood why he had such soft skin.

But he was so carefully made; even his soul was as fragile as glass. I could feel it as our shoulder brushed by in attempt to kill the same Akuma. He barked angry words towards me, venom directed at me despite the evil looming in front of us.

The patience, the care you have to put in at looking after him was immense. I thought I would ruin him in a blink of my eye. But he caught me by surprise and held on for far longer than I would have ever expected.

But then again, we held on to our feelings for far longer than what both of us would've expected.

I think we were both quite surprised at that too.

000

"You're back." Komui stood up as soon as Bookman walked in to the room.

The old man nodded as he placed a hand on the table. "Hey, the mission report."

The folder was lightly placed on the messy surface.

The old man turned to leave; he halted in his steps as Komui called out his name. He was expecting it, from the tone of his voice to the way he would say it, even down to the exact words he would choose to express his thoughts.

"Bookman, Rabi is still in the infirmary."

"Useless apprentice…" He muttered quietly under his breath but Komui heard it nice and clear. He couldn't help but smile gently at that, everything will change but some things were never meant to be changed, not even throughout the course of history.

And then he said, voice much more professional. "I will go see him, thank you for the notice."

"You're welcome." Komui toyed with the edge of yet another unfinished document.

"You should get a start on those." Komui looked up as soon as Bookman spoke them, he had a hand on the doorknob. He was talking about the mountain of documents by his desk.

The Chinese man looked up, eyebrow raised as if to say why?

"Riba is getting another pile ready for you." He said voice thoroughly amused.

Komui groaned before downing the rest of his cold cup of coffee just as he reached for his pen.

000

Friendship, it was a colorless, tasteless string that held us together for the first two years we met.

Love, it was the fruitless joy that we held on to for the next year.

Hate, it was a constant feeling we hid behind our tender love, we cherished that feeling with all our hearts for the two years after. We thought it would last till our deaths but we were wrong.

Terribly, horribly, unbelievably wrong.

And then all the other senseless feelings we had not given a definition to fell, plummeting on us like hail on a frozen rainy day.

When we got back on our feet, we saw something between us.

It wasn't hate but it was just a little more than friendship and less of what love should be.

We drew a blank conclusion as we stared in confusion at the colorless joy eating away at our joined hands.

000

"Is the next Bookman so careless that he didn't even see where he was stepping to?"

Rabi snapped his head to the doorway.

It was Bookman.

His teacher, his mentor, the only person he will ever respect.

"Hey Panda." He greeted cheekily. The current Bookman had an urge to drill Rabi's head into the wall but the old man still have a heart, he simply settled for a well aimed punch at the other's wounded ankle.

It hurt like hell, Rabi yelped in pain as tears stung at the corner of his eye.

He consecutively threw five books at the small man; he dodged all of them with ease as he stood there and stared at Rabi, he was slowly calming down from the shock of pain.

But the glare in his eye didn't lessen.

"Forgive and forget, Rabi." Bookman said, a hint of an amused smile stretched across his words. "Didn't I teach you better than this?"

"Why don't you try to forgive and forget every time I call you Panda, _Panda_?" Rabi stretched the last word of his sentence out, pulling the note longer than really necessary.

The Bookman raised a hand, Rabi's eye widened as he visibly scrambled to back away; it only brought the smirk on the man's face to widen as his back hit the wall.

000

We are all capable of being alone.

When we get used to the darkness in our hearts, loneliness was just another state of our minds.

But what we didn't count on was the hand that reached out to grab us.

Once we've been together, we lost the resistance to loneliness.

From the moment we found each other, we both knew, deep down.

That we could never be alone again.

000

It was silent, nothing but silence; it was eating away at him.

Maybe he really shouldn't have taken the mission; everything was forcing him to think of _him_. He turned his head to the window; the skies were bright with an immense blue. It reminded him of their first mission when they were just 15.

The hot sticky weather along with the warm pentacle blood still glued themselves into his head; it was embedded in his mind like so many other images of the red head and his smiles.

His hardly noticeable accent, his eye patch, his headband, it was all so foreign to him when they first met.

He had secrets too, way more than Kanda himself. What was behind that eye patch, he wanted to ask but his pride was always in the way, preventing him from venturing to unknown grounds.

He didn't like his smile; it was too bright, too happy, and way too unrealistic.

Rabi seemed like someone that has walked straight out from a fairy tale.

That was his first real impression on Junior's 49th alias, Rabi.

Each stride of his newly made uniform made him cringe with annoyance. It made him angry to see those smiles hanging off those lips. They weren't supposed to be real. Maybe it was just because Rabi reminded him of everything that _was_ real until the Order had came tumbling into his life.

The pink of his cheeks, they looked like falling cherry blossom petals at the start of April. The smell of pages and old ink that lingered on his fingers and scarf, it was just like the scent his mother had on her worn kimono. His exotic green eye, it was the exact shade of the grass in the yard before _they_ came along and everything was splattered with the color red, the exact shade of his hair.

The resemblances disgusted him.

He had wanted to vomit the first time he saw the boy, the differences, the similarities made him sick to the stomach. Every time they passed by in the hall, he shivered with a feeling in between hate and fear; he still can't distinguish it today.

He screamed and he yelled at the other for him to stay away. He pushed at the red head; he threw dirty words, low blows, everything and anything he could think of. He even threatened to kill him, he held Mugen in his hand, his grip was so tight it made his knuckles turned an unhealthy shade of white.

His face was stoic as he shoved the red head away for another time. He didn't guess whether Rabi saw anything but he was shaking, in anger or in fear he couldn't tell. All he knew was that getting too close, no matter in what manners, it would still pain him.

But what he didn't count on was the happy go-lucky's darker side. Not Junior but someone else entirely. It was Rabi's conscience to stay alive and become Junior's last one.

He stayed and neither did he give up.

He held on and watched after him with that green eye.

It surprised them both at how much they pulled through, he still couldn't believe it, even after knowing they were no longer treading on the thin sheet of ice called hate.

000

"What are you planning to do, Bookman Junior?" His voice hardens at the name. Bookman wanted to know what he had in mind.

"I know I am a failure at this job," he started, closing his eye briefly before opening it again. He couldn't afford to hide and be afraid.

"It's okay if you want another disciple." Rabi smiled gently at his master as the old man finally took a seat on the chairs. "I can't blame you for wanting to get another apprentice."

"It's too late for that now, I don't have enough time." He told him, telling him his calculated truth.

Rabi bowed his head and whispered. "I am sorry if I disappointed you."

"Why do you need to be sorry?" His gruff old voice was surprisingly gentle. "You're the next Bookman, and we as Bookmen don't regret anything we ever did."

The red head looked up from examining his hands to stare at the man sitting, back straight in the white plastic chair. "But what if I do?"

"Then you are a true failure." His dark beady eyes bored themselves into him. But before he could respond to that, Bookman had already begun to speak.

"Rabi, you have skills, you were born with this talent. I can say you were literally born to become a Bookman." His eyes gleamed with something that Rabi has never seen in the man's eyes before, was it pride?

"I can't deny you this title because you really are one of the best I've ever seen."

"I had five apprentices before you." He stated, his tone of voice was sharp and clear. "They were all excellent, bright minds, photographic memories, and most of all they never regretted a thing, no matter how wrong they were."

"The path they left behind was disastrous." Rabi looked confused, how could such smart people give up the lives of being a Bookman. They were born to be the future clan.

"But how, they had all the qualities the best Bookman needed?"

"They had everything except for one," Bookman seemed sad and maybe even disappointed at this fact.

"They forgot that they were humans."

Rabi let that sink in, word by word, letter by letter. He let that sentence soak into his mind before he slowly deciphered what it meant.

"They forgot their very first name, they forgot the life they had before, they were overwhelmed by the clan of Bookmen, pride clouded their visions and they lost it, they forgot what it meant to be alive."

A Bookman's past, a Bookman's name.

It was the core beginning of their life, there was no way he could ever forget it.

If they had forgotten, it was better off for them to die.

The biggest failure was if you forget yourself.

The highest sin in their clan.

"They all… forgot themselves?" Rabi asked, eerily calm despite the tale his teacher told. Bookman nodded, Rabi's breath hitched and his mind went blank, he didn't know how to respond.

"Rabi," he looked sternly at him, his voice reminded him of the first time he met the old man. "You know what it means to be human, you understand the pains and the joys in life."

He was referring to Yuu and him.

Rabi sat up straight in the bed, his uninjured arm hanging limply by his side.

"You are just the right person to record our Hidden History for the future."

Because he knew how to cope with the aftermath of love.

He understood what it meant to be alive; he lived his life to the fullest and saw the world in 49 different views. But through it all, he remained sane. He never got caught up in the amazement of knowing something else entirely. He never once got lost in the maze of masks, names and identities.

"You want me to leave Yuu?" Rabi asked, the question that nagged in his mind, pulling and whining in his head. He valued his teacher's opinions, but if he replied yes, Rabi would have threw away all his promises of being a Bookman.

Whether they were lovers, haters or friends, Rabi knew he couldn't leave the Japanese now of all times.

"I don't approve of it," he started. Rabi opened his mouth to protest, but Bookman shushed with a small glare. The red head fell silent and waited, a solemn expression on his pale face, making him seem sicker than he really is.

"But I never take back my words, you will become the Bookman after my death no matter what you say now. What you do with the identity of Rabi is none of my business."

"I can stay as the Bookman and Rabi…?" His green eye widened, a swirl of confusion and surprise swirled in his orb.

Instead of answering, Bookman asked a question that threw Rabi off, although his calm voice replied that it was obvious.

"If you can deal with 49 identities, what is the problem with having another one?"

Whether he was referring to the identity of 'Rabi' or his newly appointed 'Bookman' status Rabi didn't know because either way it wouldn't matter any longer.

XXX Kuro

WOOT! –throws confetti in celebration and does a little dance- What you guys think? I have finally over came my lack of inspiration for this fic! I recently got inspired (just about last week Friday or so) and had been typing like mad. The gist of the ending is already finished.

But now on a sadder note, (dramatic music) this really is the second last chapter to this fic. So the ending would be the next chapter. DX But thanks again for all your support; I would appreciate it once again if you stayed a little longer to review?


	11. Our Last Happy Ending

Finally, the story has to come to an end. This is it, my longest RK ever! XD From super angsty to _this_, I hope no one would want to throw rocks at me after this last chapter DX I never owned at the beginning so I am not about to own anything now.

XXX

**Our Last Happy Ending**

XXX

It has been around a year since you came back, 3 years since you left.

The trees had changed colors from green to yellow and then it started to brown at the edges until it crumbled to the ground. Snow covered the fruitless trees and then frost was sprayed over the glazed windows. Seasons came by and this was the second summer. Hot and dreary, the heat made the air bend and shimmer underneath its force.

Tossing and turning in the thin bed sheets, beads of sweat rolled off of my cheeks. I sat up in the summer heated nights and thought about all the things that ran through my head. I sometimes wondered whether you really meant all the things you did, did you intend to ruin us or was it all just a big mistake that was never even in our control in the first place?

All these questions, one on top of another, they were piling up inside of me. But I never had the courage to ask you, perhaps I was afraid of the answer or perhaps I simply didn't care for what the answers may be.

The bad and the good, the good and the bad. You made me feel emotions I never thought could be possible. And you shrugged it off like it was nothing. Should I be grateful or should I be angry? I could barely grasp what I was feeling let alone distinguish the individual emotions blended altogether.

You were eerily strange in my dark world, your colors stood out so much. With your red hair and green eye, I couldn't say you were the light in my life but I couldn't deny your existence either.

It is hard to remember what we have gone through because I tried so hard to forget all the things that we shared. I tried to erase your warmth from my cold nights, delete those promises of tomorrow. Forgetting you was difficult; even I didn't realize how big of a wretched stamp you had left in my world.

I had gone through plenty of sleepless nights because of you. Frustrated at how come I couldn't be the one to understand what we shared now, you tear down my reasons and broken down the wall I built. It happened all too fast, how could anyone handle it?

And when I thought I have finally gotten over you, you stride in here, confident as ever. Your grin never wavered and you are just the same as ever. Time didn't seem to have taken a hold of you yet as your flaming red hair swayed with your movements. And then I realized I could never get over you.

I wanted to blame everything on you. But then again, if I hadn't liked you back, none of this would have happened.

000

The boat hit the dock and he felt the similar draft of the cold underground water tunnel rushing up the spiral staircase. He stepped foot on to the cobbled dock, the slippery rocks felt sturdy underneath.

"Welcome back." Rinali lightly greeted, she held a flickering lantern in one hand as she gave him a warm smile. She was always here when she had the time.

He nodded, it was expected of him. He wouldn't say something like 'I'm back,' it just wouldn't seem Kanda to do. And so he nodded and followed after her as the two of them made their way up the stairs.

"How was this time's mission?" Her heels clicked on the stone steps.

"Long." He shortly replied the girl's attempt at a conversation.

"This is your third time at a month long mission right?" Rinali asked again, not at all annoyed at the other's one-word answers. Kanda nodded in reply. "Four whole weeks in Germany, it must be boring for you." She commented with a thin smile.

"Che." They reached the top of the stairs, nothing changed, at least not in Kanda's eyes. The tiles were still as old and worn as before, cracks lining on every fragile surface, even the lights hanging from the ceiling still flickered since the last time he was here.

The metal clinked against each other as Rinali hung the lantern on to the wall, right next to the stone doorway that led back down to the underground water shaft.

"I need a rest, I came back from a mission this morning, just a couple hours before you. You should get some rest too." She smiled before heading towards another staircase, she knew the Order like the back of her hand. But before she left, she turned around, waved and called out to him. "I will see you at dinner… or maybe later, Kanda."

He merely just nodded before heading towards the Science Department.

Nothing changed at all, papers laid arrayed on the floor, covering almost all the possible surfaces left available. He pulled his jacket closer to his body, covering any exposed skin that wasn't necessary; he didn't need to get paper cuts these days. Skillfully, he navigated his way though the mountains of paper work, leaving behind dirty foot prints on the snow white sheets.

The door to Komui's office was wide open, he walked in, surveyed the messy room before resting his eyes on a turf of white. His eyes narrowed as the other looked up feeling icy gaze on him.

"Where is Komui?" He asked before he could even open his mouth.

"No need to be rude. He said he is coming back in a few minutes, _Kanda_."

"Moyashi." He greeted with a glare.

"The name is Allen." He stood up and evenly glared back at the taller man.

"Come back and tell me that when you grow a couple more inches." Kanda smirked as he looked at the massive stacks of paper on the desk.

Allen, vein dangerously throbbing was about to retort when Komui pranced back in, another cup of coffee in his hand. Seemingly oblivious to the invocated arm and the drawn Mugen as he called out to Kanda, voice abnormally happy.

"Welcome back Kanda, how'd everything go?"

The two huffed, sat down on separate chairs before Kanda took out a mission report from his jacket. "Just fine."

"That's good to hear." He smiled cheerily, taking another sip of coffee as he took the folder in hand. Kanda got up to leave but Allen's voice stopped him in his steps.

"Oh yeah, Kanda?"

"What?" He turned and spared him a glance. Komui looked back and forth, smile widening behind his cup.

"Rabi is in the infirmary, he hurt himself during the last mission he had, while you were gone." Allen watched the other for any signs. "I think he broke his ankle or something."

Kanda just nodded before muttering. "Thanks."

That left Allen gapping in the room because mean Japanese men don't thank British boys with curses.

000

Rabi has realized, a long time ago that he loved Yuu. Yes, loved. He really wanted to say it wasn't true but as a Bookman Apprentice, he wasn't as stupid as to deny the obvious feelings that had finally bubbled over the top.

So yes, he did indeed loved Kanda Yuu. He loved him with all the emotions a Bookman should have never had. He knew it clearly and well, even down to the most precise detail. He has confirmed his love for Yuu, and once he confirmed it, there were no lies about it.

It can never change.

But did you realized that he used the past tense, he used _loved_, not love.

Yes, he loved Yuu, but what about now?

What about this exact moment in life where he was back at the Order living Rabi's life as an exorcist and serving as the future Bookman?

Junior was smart, so that meant Rabi was also quite smart. And with time he understood that his love had been washed, thinner and thinner till it was only a light feeling. He could blame it on the two years that they have been apart or he could have blamed it on the hate that they thought they could fall back on. But Rabi knew that none of these reasons could do much more besides being there so he could feel better.

But through all those nights, staring up at the ceiling while the weather outside changed from good to bad then from bad back to the good. He has came up with a final conclusion to all these emotions that they didn't get the time to name.

How did Yuu feel about him? He couldn't be sure. But like a concentrated juice drink mixed in with too much ice, when it melts, all that is left was a watery flavor with little originality.

A little more than like and a little less than love.

That's what happened.

000

Is that how it happened?

The stairs accident was never mentioned.

But Allen remembered it all, way too clearly despite it not even being his own encounter.

Kanda took that mission and he left the next morning. Rabi didn't say anything even as Allen informed of Kanda's leaving.

_"He should be gone around now." I glanced at the clock. Rabi followed my gaze but his smile never faltered. He simply replied, quite naturally too. "I hope he doesn't get hurt."_

_I didn't understand the calm atmosphere, the kind comments and most of all the relaxed expression on his face, yes it was their relationship but I can't help it but be curious. It was, after all, human nature to do so._

"_What happened?" I asked quietly just as Rabi cracked open another book. Another book, another afternoon spent inside that head of his, I am not stupid, I knew all the reading materials that I brought over were read already._

_I am not as dense as to forget those little moments where he and Kanda would spend their rainy afternoons reading away in the library. I saw and I watched but I never made my presence known._

"_What do you mean?" He glanced up, blinking his green eye in slight confusion. I knew he had an idea of what I was talking about but he wasn't sure and he always went with the safe side and played dumb. It was a little annoying at times but I had no control of what he do._

"_You two act like nothing happened!" I furrowed my eyebrows, confusion knitted on to my face. It was true, nights after the accident; the two of them never said anything that seemed out of the usual. Perhaps I missed it, maybe they didn't need words to communicate. But as far as I was concern, they never did a single thing that broke the calm lake's glass-like surface._

"_Because nothing did." He answered, face relaxed, just like always._

_I am tired of the trips I had to make in order to get to the answer. I couldn't bother anymore, this time I asked, straight to the point. Not at all aware of what I could expect from the pair's silent decision." Is it hate or is it love?"_

"_It's friendship."_

From love to hate and then back to friendship.

All was too delicate.

Allen couldn't say he understood, from lovers to friends.

How did it all happen?

_From thick to thin, that's what happened._

Everything was too fragile for him to comprehend. He knew it wasn't his business to do so and so he backed off and waited in silence because he knew fate had a funny way of making everything come together. Allen had to give fate a silent salute.

Because Kanda, just like he promised, came back the day before Rabi was allowed to leave the infirmary.

000

How long has it been?

I knew it down to the exact minutes when it came to the question of, how long has it been?

But I wasn't one to complain.

Seal the bottle and cast it off to sea, it would be a miracle if it ever came back. But I should have known fate liked to screw with my head. Everything that I thought to have believed in came back to bite me in the ass.

Dragged back to the Black Order after two years, I really didn't know how I could face with all the things I left behind. I left thinking; even knowing I would never come back. I cut off all the strings, all the ties I had back at the tower only to have to return under the same alias. The Bookman hands me strings after strings and expected me to reconnect again.

Really, is this world all against me? (Okay fine, maybe I did like to complain but who could I blame?)

Sometimes I think its true and sometimes I would like to think it isn't. But then, who am I to go against the forces of this Earth, I really was in no condition, especially with the immense amounts of injuries on me.

He came in, frown on his face, he hasn't noticed me yet. I thought I knew him, I sincerely thought I actually _knew_ him. Him and his long black hair, it was still the same hue, the dark velvety blue that each strand would have when it was caught in the light. His frosty lips, threats fell out without a care. His frail form, he really had no clue how much power he had over me.

He turned and saw me, horror, rage, and surprise instantly washed the colors from his cheeks. I wanted to say something; anything but I knew he was about to leave. I stayed silent and watched, eye indifferent even as I saw the fury of emotions that coiled in his eyes.

Maybe I should have gotten up, chased after him and tell him how much I have missed him. But with all those emotions and Mugen so close by, I knew that would be the dumbest idea that has crossed my mind.

I simply gave a sad smile and watched him leave. Maybe I should have just left for the second time because I knew at that moment, how much pain we were going to go through.

But I was selfish.

I stayed and went after that sealed bottle floating aimlessly in the ocean, thousands of miles away from its final destination.

000

He knocked against the door, knuckles hitting the white paint on the wooden surface. He replied despite the barrier in their way. "Come in."

The door opened and he greeted without looking up, "hey Alle—" But his voice died in his throat when he saw who it really was. The long black hair streaked with light, the black and white uniform, and the evenly frosty cold blue eyes that stared at him with mild amusement.

"I am not Moyashi, baka." He clicked his tongue disapprovingly as he closed the door behind him.

"Sorry Yuu." His smile widened without him even knowing. "Here take a sit," he motioned to the empty chairs by his bed. "Aren't you tired?"

Kanda remembered his sore muscles and his heavy eyelids but he shook his head and sat down nonetheless.

"So how did your mission go?" Rabi tilted his head and closed the book he has been reading; Bookman's choices weren't as bad as he expected it to be.

"Long and boring." The red head laughed at his reply as he placed the book back to the side table. "You are so negative, how about the sun and the pretty girls?"

"I am not like you, Rabi." Kanda gave him an annoyed stare.

"Fine, fine." Rabi waved him off before feeling Kanda's eyes resting on his injuries. He waited for Kanda to ask, it didn't take long.

"What happened?"

His voice was laced with reluctance. He looked just like what happened around eight months ago. The two never talked about the incident, or everything that has happened before. Neither of them knew where they could start, there were so many possibilities.

There were simply too much for the two young men to face.

"Oh, the injuries…" He knew what the other thought even he had to give a weary smile at the irony. "The last mission I had, while I was trying to kill this Level 3 Akuma, my ankle got stuck behind two rocks."

He looked down at his hands, a little embarrassed as his mind played the occurrence once again. "And when I pulled my ankle out, I kind of broke it…" A moment of silence as the two pondered at what happened.

"Just say you broke your ankle killing an Akuma." Kanda pointed out, shaking his head at the other's careless acts for the Order despite his position as a future Bookman.

"But it sounds so embarrassing." His lips curled into a pout as he absentmindedly fiddled with the sheet covers. Kanda rolled his eyes but couldn't help but smirk as he waited for the other's reactions at his next comment.

"That's the point, isn't it, _baka usagi_?"

The nickname rolled off of his tongue as if his lips were made to form such sounds.

000

We have grown up and seen the uglier side of this world. We can't blame it on stupidity or the fact that we were naïve.

Time passed and our feelings were washed white.

But it wasn't gone, just simply mellowed out with a layer of friendship painted upon that.

We feel for one another but it wasn't as deep as love.

We stepped on the desperate lines of being friends, we were careful. But it wasn't enough; the perfect scenery where you and I were fine was far from reality. We knew it had to end; we dragged it on for too long.

Now we were together for the sake of what?

None of us can be sure.

000

"Yuu, can you accompany me outside?" The red head asked, resting his eye on the Japanese.

It has been a habit of Yuu to come find him, after every mission since the very first one after his accident. It was a change since three years ago it would always be the red head seeking out the other. Rabi didn't ask why Yuu did what he did, he was afraid that their carefully placed balance would tip.

"Why now?" Kanda looked up but made no move to help him get out of bed.

"I have been cooped up for like how long?" Rabi lifted the heavy sheets off of his frame, sitting up straight. "Besides even the nurse said I could almost leave."

"Then you can leave when they tell you to." He replied but stood up and walked over without another question.

"Hey, do you remember, Yuu?" Rabi slowly swung his legs over the edge of his bed, the bottom of his foot touched the cold tiles on the ground.

"Is it important?" Kanda held out a hand to steady the other as he slowly stood up, he watched with blue eyes.

Looking up, Rabi's lips curled into a thin grin, "of course Yuu!"

He staggered a few steps, heavily leaning on the other's sturdier frame, he was getting used to the feeling of standing on two feet again. Kanda tightened his hold on Rabi's arm; he watched his messy movements and tried to correspond with them.

They have to get off the balance soon, Rabi thought, now was the time as good as any other.

"Three years ago today, you said good bye to me."

Their hands simultaneously touched the doorknob, none of them pulled back. Instead their grip tightened on the cool metal. Their eyes never met, they never needed to because they saw it. In the back of their minds they remembered their very first good bye. And how it really should have been a see you if it wasn't for all their feelings of regret and remorse clouding their senses.

Turning it, the door opened outwards.

"Come on, Yuu, let's go for a little walk." He commented lightly, body still leaning on to the other but he slowly hopped outwards, almost pulling Kanda along. And then the other asked a small question from the actual reality of life.

"Shoes?"

He turned around, barely able to contain his amusement. "Nah!"

The green orb met with blue.

000

Kanda Yuu never believed in something as fake as superficial love. And not even Rabi's sappy love for romance could change his view about something as unrealistic as unconditional love. But Kanda will silently admit that he had no control over his feelings, as he didn't like to lie to himself and perhaps it was his lack of belief that could make him think things through.

000

But we are no longer young and foolish like we used to be.

Could we really afford to make the same mistakes twice?

Neither of us had the answers anymore.

000

Rabi never wanted to fall in love, as a Bookman Apprentice he really did thought he could have pulled through life without sparing another glance in a certain direction. Sadly that never happened, he fell into fate's trap and tumbled through so many obstacles only to end up at the starting line once again. But maybe it was only for the best, he could still never understand.

000

He looked up, staring out into the open skies that stretched on, further then his eye could see. Smelling the fresh scent of grass beneath him, it has been a while since he had been outside; he finally touched the skies as if they were his own rather than having that piece of glass separating the two.

"Hey, Yuu."

"Hmm?"

"We really have come a long way to this point, eh?"

He shrugged, taking a seat beside the other. The green grass felt damp beneath the material of his pants.

"I think this should be recorded as our first mile stone!" Rabi laughed lightly, looking out to the sky painted a red lavender signaling the setting of the pale yellow sun.

"Our first?" Kanda lazily turned his head to raise an eyebrow at the other.

"Okay fine, maybe our fifth or sixth but hey we should celebrate another mile stone we've hit." Rabi didn't turn his head, merely glanced over from the corner of his eye. He caught Kanda looking at him, staring and boring those icy blue eyes into the side of his head shamelessly.

If it had been before, Kanda wouldn't even bother to look at him. But then, if it had been before, Rabi would have an arm slung over his shoulders, an easy grin sliding over his lips.

And then he snorted. "You mean run into?"

"If you want to put it like that." Rabi replied, used to the other's pessimistic attitude.

"Celebrate eh?" He looked up at the sky, his eyes leaving the red head. "You want to celebrate how much we screwed up?"

"Not screwed up, we only made mistakes." Rabi corrected, not at all affected by his companion's comments. He had an urge to say them too but it would only ruin his image further.

"Mistakes that only cost us days and nights to fix." Kanda gave a small dry laugh, recognizing the things the two of them faced. He didn't quite believe Rabi's attempt at making their mistakes seem so… simple.

"Even though we still only managed to patch up some." Rabi tilted his head to the side, pondering quietly. Junior scratched his dry ink pen along the paper as his smile widened. The problem with Bookman may be settled but it never meant that the fight with his inner demon would cease.

"Some is good enough… we aren't God." Kanda whispered, as if feeling the dark shadow slowly creeping back into Rabi's thoughts.

Rabi looked over, his eye widened a little bit, surprised at the comfort the Japanese decided to give him. And then he smiled; it was a silent thank you. It didn't matter if the other saw it or not.

The skies were no longer the red lavender shade, it was blending with the darkness, tainted with dark blotches of brown and a surprising shade of blood red.

"Where does this mile stone put us?"

_Enemies, friends, or lovers?_  
That was the real question behind it but neither of them had the courage to ask.

Rabi looked up; it was Yuu that broke the silence and asked the question the two desperately wanted an answer to. His green orb softened before he replied, sincerely.

"I don't know Yuu, I really can't tell you."

"Che." It was that infamous phrase, but he saw Kanda gnawed at his bottom lip lightly. He could tell the other was nervous, if not just a little scared. Minor details like these were what Rabi could catch at all times but Rabi didn't know Kanda and the same could be applied to the other.

They didn't know one another but it was okay. They have survived so far and nothing seemed to be pulling them back because of their lack of knowledge of each other's character.

Now Rabi only had to settle his last growing concern.

"Do you love me?" He leaned over and batted his eyelashes at the other, pouting lightly. He knew the sudden change was strange but it was hard to resist teasing the great Kanda Yuu.

"Don't ask me these things." Kanda turned his head and refused to look at the other, but Rabi saw the redness at the base of the other's ear.

"Alright then, do you hate me?" He asked, his voice sunk from a teasing tone to a more nervous one, as if he was afraid to ask the question. And perhaps he really was but like Kanda, he had his pride too.

He didn't turn to face him but he didn't get up and leave either. Slowly he replied, voice reluctant and equally solemn, as if he wished he could have. "No."

Rabi smiled, out of relief or maybe out of sincerity, either way the two of them didn't care. The two knew hating would have been so much easier; they would have gotten out of it all with barely a scratch. Maybe a carved up heart but it was the easier way out. They didn't know why but hating was the closed door and that didn't leave them another chance at that horrid feeling they had never been able to grow accustom to.

"Then are we going to be friends for life?"

This may be something even worst than the other choices they stumbled upon.

A pause as the two pondered over the question, Rabi asked but the two knew since the beginning of when their friendship started, it had to end as soon as they got off the balance. So Kanda replied for them.

"No."

"Good because I think I can wait, Yuu." Rabi assured him and then he added. "I have my own uncertainties too." _Like Junior's untamed behaviors._ He didn't bother to add it in, just like his lack of explanation at the Bookman business, but Kanda didn't seem to mind, as he never bothered asking.

"I don't know how long I will take."

"Me neither, but I can wait for both our sake." His fingers found the other's hand; lightly he placed his over it. His green eye shaped like a crescent moon. A truthful smile on his pale lips as the sky changed another shade of bright crimson that could match his own.

"I have a whole life time to wait for you to catch up with me."

Kanda looked down, his ebony bangs fell to cover his eyes, a tiny smile that almost seemed to not be there adorned his lips. It was a silent promise that he will eventually catch up. "It's getting cold, let's go in."

He took a hold of Rabi's hand and pulled him up. Their hands laced together at their sides, they weren't willing to let go so easily once more. They may not know what path they were headed towards but they had a clear view of who would be there when they needed them the most.

Because fate was no longer in place, it was trust that slipped through the cracks this time.

Their shoulders touched one another as they made their way back into the tower, standing alone against the fading purple skies. Their black intertwined silhouettes painted the stone cold walls with a warming touch.

They have finally caught up with their happy ending.

000

_The end._

000

They were so… sugary! (dies of embarrassment) Were they too much? Don't kill me if they were… -sigh- I wouldn't forgive myself if I separated the two but I couldn't make them kiss either. So you all had to settle for this ending. –bows- I apologize now if I disappointed anyone, do complain if you want. OTL

Now as a final farewell because this lovely story has finally shriveled to an end. (No matter how pathetic it was D:) Thank you for all your support, both readers and reviewers alike. All your comments were taken to the heart and I thank you truly for sticking with me all the way no matter what kind of messy ideas I end up with.

Thank you again and let's say **Happy B-day to Rabi**, shall we? **v**

XXX Kuro


End file.
